Right here Right now.

currently listening to REST IN PIECES-SALIVA
currently obsessed with BLACK AND YELLOW-WIZ KHALIFA, AFTER TONIGHT-JUSTIN NOZUKA
current mood- slightly happy

malko saying maytheforcebewithyou.
  

Six, Five, Four, Three, Two, and...yeah, that's about it.

06-11-13: Update from future me: Some of this really made me wince, particularly the reference to Taylor Swift and the fact that I seemed to have a) forgotten about Africa and b) thought Europe consisted mainly of England.


Continuing with the Ten Day You challenge, which, for those of you who joined late, I started here, and continued here, here and here, here are six places I want to visit, five foods I like to eat, and four books, three films and two songs I love.

Six Places:

• Switzerland! With its mountains, and its beauty and its chocolate and its peace. 
• All of Europe, actually, now that I think of it, since that's about the only continent I haven't visited yet. Amsterdam, with..I'm not exactly sure what, but it still appeals to me. London, with its Tower, and its pigeons and crows and the London Eye and the Big Ben and the rain and the dreariness and the poshness and..and the accents, and the hot guys and the, well, everything. The rest of England, too, I really want to see what all these people talk about when they say "English countryside". And Scotland, of course, and France and Germany and Russia. Have I missed out any place? 
• Australia. I want the beautiful sky, the Outback, the Harbour Bridge, the Gold Coast, the City Cats on the Brisbane River with the wind on your face, and water underneath. I want everything. 
• South America, another place I've never been, with all its color and life and love and culture. 
• The Arctic, or any other place where I can see the Aurora. 
• Space, because it sounds SO COOL. Ditto the moon. 

Five Foods: 

• Chocolate. 'nuff said. 
• Also, pasta, in any sauce except white. And pizza and lasagne, of course.
• Indian food is awesome, too, especially scent-wise. Naan and kadai paneer and butter chicken and..ahh, my mouth is watering too much for me to continue :/
• SUBWAY! And McD's and KFC and all that shizz. Yeah, i'm a slave of capitalism. 
• Steamed lemon fish. And prawns, and chilli crab with buns in Malaysia. 

Four Books:
I can't list just four books. I can't. There have been way, way too many of them in my life for me to narrow the list down to four, so forgive me if this goes on forever. Anyway, here they are:

• To Kill A Mockingbird, because it was the first classic I read that I liked; because it gave me Atticus Finch, whom I might even love more than Hugh Jackman; because it made me think; and because it gave me hope. 
• The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, because its the last book I read and because its well written. 
• Enid Blyton's St Clare's series, and Malory Towers, because those were the first books I ever remember reading. 
• Anything, really, as long as it isn't too convoluted like some of those stupid prize winning books, or too depressing. 

Three Films:

• Wolverine, because it has Hugh Jackman, and is awesome, and it has romance and comedy and love and action and everything a soul could possibly need. Also, X-Men First Class, because mutants are hot. 
• Three Musketeers, because that's the last movie I saw. Oh, and the Pirates of the Caribbean series. 
• Any cute rom-com. Also, Life Is Beautiful, and all of those type of movies (the deep, eye-opening ones). Basically, anything with a compelling story line. 

See I how totally got more than three movies in there?

Two Songs:

• Again, it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to list just TWO songs, but I'll try. First-"She Will Be Loved", by Maroon 5. Listen to it. Don't watch the video, it'll ruin your experience. Just hear the lyrics and fall in love. Ditto anything by Taylor Swift, or any other mushy love song, really. Also, "Impossible" by Shonelle. 
• Um. Anything and everything by The Script. And most things by Simple Plan (Welcome To My Life, Perfect, and everything from their album "Get Your Heart On" come to mind most quickly). Songs which just match my mood perfectly. 

So now you know. Me. ^-^ Well, everything except my name, and my age, and my face, and where I live, and who I am. But yeah. Everything else. :)

~Sam

PS-For those of you who are tired of hearing about me, I'll get around to posting something more "universal" in appeal later. For those of you who are tired of hearing me say "later", go away, or get used to it. *attitude*

But, you know. Don't go away away. Later will come. Really. Soon. I'll do it. I promise! Don't go away! Come back! Please! PLEASE! *tears*

Real steel

I decided to post about this cuz I know  how much it would freak sam out. How awesome is the robot dance with the kid? Damn. Sexy movie. Awesome soundtrack too.

UPDATE: This is Sam. I hate you. All of you (who've seen the movie). And I will continue hating you until the earth stops revolving and the birds stop singing. Or at least until I watch the movie myself. So there.

So I got drunk yesterday, and I slept on the escalator. *sigh* the things people do when they get drunk I tell ya. -malko saying maytheforcebewithyou

Things I Possibly Have OCD About

This is not a very nice post, but I really don't care right now. I just want to get rid of it. Enjoy!

So here it is. I have compulsive needs to:

• Remove hair bands of the people standing in front of me.
• Not switch off my phone.
• Clean dirty spectacles, mine or anyone elses.
• Check fb notifications-ALL of them, even the ones completely unrelated to me where random people I've never heard of comment on an acquaintance's picture.
• Not allow my balance t to drop below a certain amount. And this is not like when its about to go into negatives and I lose it completely, its like when I still have a reasonable amount left, say 50 bucks, but a part of my soul still dies when it goes to 49. 
• Grammar grammar GRAMMAR. I am a grammar Nazi, despite showing evidence to the contrary in this post. 
• Editing things in my head. Even if you think its perfect, I will find errors, and I will correct them in my head, even if I don't point them out to you. 
• Listening to music every night, and making up stories about songs in my head. 
• Lying in bed for at least a little while and day-dreaming or something, before actually waking up. 
• Be hideously polite to all authority figures. Unless they majorly, MAJORLY piss me off. Then I'm all curt and indifferent. 
• Type whenever I have the opportunity.
• Use big words.
• Proof-read everything. Except this post.  
• Change the screen saver of the computer/laptop if I don't like it, even if it belongs to someone else. 
• Finish every book and series I begin. There've only been a couple in all my life that I've left incomplete, and you can imagine how bad they must've been for me to do that.
• Type how I think or talk. Even when I'm trying to save messages, I will text thoughts exactly how they come into my head, and not ct dwn or typ lyk ths. 
• Type complete words. (See above.) Try not to get pissed off when other people don't.
• Arranging things in a neat, linear manner, kind of like Monk. 

This list is just what I could think of now, and its really rough and horrible and I'll probably update it later when I have the time and inclination, but its been sitting in my drafts section for centuries now and I figured it was about time it saw the light of day. 

~Sam

Eight

Eight Fears.

1. That I'm not good enough. 
2. That I'll never be able to be completely happy. 
3. That I'll end up living a shitty life, and end up some bitchy Grinch. 
4. That the world will end. 
5. That the world won't end.
6. That I won't be able to fulfill my dreams, whatever they may be. 
7. That He (again, not talking about God) doesn't exist.
8. That He (talking about God this time) doesn't exist, and there's no point to this whole drama. Or that He does exist but still lets there be so much pain and suffering in this world. A girl who falls down. A woman murdered. An atom bomb dropped. Why would He let it happen?

Side note: This probably sounds depressing, and it is, but I'm not. These are just some random fears that I would usually never dwell on. Just for all my friends out there who'd probably freak out over this. ^-^ 

A hopefully happier post will come up as soon as I can think of a thing to write on.

~A Definitely Not Depressed, Sam

This Picture Is Awesome And Deserves A Whole Post To Itself

~Sam

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Pens that work. Unexpected hugs. A smile from a stranger. A satisfying article. A job well done. Orange juice. A hot choco-lava cake. Soft, warm cookies. Unexpected compliments. Any compliments! The scent of a bakery, the fragrance of impending rain and wet soil. Knowing things. Stumbling upon the perfect word to describe something, as opposed to having it on the tip of your tongue and not being able to remember it. When you vaguely wish for something, and it just happens. When the perfect song to match your mood starts playing. Good food. Chocolate food. Coconut biscuits. Pretty pictures and scenes. A fun holiday. A few hours with friends. Watching a child completely absorbed in doing some inconsequential thing. Pleasant surprises. A productive day. A day just spent lazing around. Catching up with old friends. A good, stimulating debate or conversation. Your favorite show coming on TV, just as your boredom peaks. A funny ad. Celebration. Pretty lights on houses. Presents! Palm trees and beaches, not necessarily in the same place. Discovering a new song, artiste, sitcom or book. Writing, reading, talking and listening. A happy story. Shopping, and stumbling across a pretty bag, or a hair clip, or the perfect outfit. When the sun is setting behind the blue curtains of my blue room and imparts that warm, dim glow. Being awake when no one else is. Peace. Neat work; a tidy, organized room. Rediscovering a favorite toy from your childhood that you'd forgotten all about. Making lists. A beautiful morning, welcome with a hot cup. Smiles and laughs and wit and humor and a pinch of sarcasm. Being surrounded by the people I love, when I love them. A banana split sundae. Toast with butter and jam. A slice of bread slathered with nutella. Biscuits soaked in tea. A hot, steaming cup of thick hot chocolate. Caramelized apples. Any apples! The smell of coffee and rain and flowers and sunshine. Pretty boquets with liles and orchids and little white and yellow rosebuds with dewdrops on them. An overflowing fruit basket, filled to the brim with mangoes and apples and bananas and oranges and strawberries and cherries and blueberries whatnot. Strawberries and cream and chocolate! Blueberry muffins. Being dressed up all prettily, with my hair done and my heels on and my dress just right. Losing a pound (or two). Setting a new high score. Opening my eyes in the morning with a smile on my face. Closing my eyes at night with a smile. A nice, long, hot bath, complete with scented candles and bubbles. Shutting my eyes and imagining and hoping and wishing and dreaming and fantasizing. Finding that thing, or a friend texting, just when you need it most. Sitting in a corner, or on a window-seat, and reading that perfect book while it pours outside. Slowly removing the outer layer of MnM's. Long, shapely nails. Making people laugh. Laughing. Melting chocolate in my mouth while the rest of it melts in my hand. Getting wet in the rain, provided my phone is safely dry. The euphoria after a satisfying run. The sun's rays shining on me on a mountain top. Snuggling in my warm bed on a winter morning. Cuddling with my mother. A baby's laugh. A child's innocent laugh. A baby's gurgle. The smell of petrol. Lying flat on my back after a long day. Massages! The color of newly mowed lemon grass, the color of the Australian sky over the Outback. Purple and magenta and crimson and black. Serendipity and Enchantment. Henna on my hands. A trouble-free day. My mom feeding me when I'm sick. Ganging up on my parents with my brother. Finally finishing that huge mound of work. Reminiscing old memories; rediscovering long-forgotten pictures. Raindrops on windows, and drawing on a dusty windscreen. Playing with connector pens. Designing something really pretty. The taste and smell of cinnamon. British accents!

And bluebells.

Walking in that.

~Sam

I had this really nice idea for a post, and i forgot. SEE? That's what happens when you don't write things down.

Ten

So I told you I wouldn't do Ten Secrets, and I won't, but here are Ten Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me Which May Or May Not Be Secrets.

1. I have never smoked, done drugs, or seen The Sound of Music, despite having owned the DVD since the fourth grade.  
2. I can be pretty philosophical when I want to, probably because I over-think everything, and over-thinking is practically the root of all philosophy. The worst thing about this though is that things which I say, which often console others, would never ever console me, because I'd just think about it until it became meaningless and lost all consoling-power. Which sucks.
3. I'm partly hedonistic. I know what hedonistic means because of Two and A Half Men.
4. I'm vaguely superstitious, but if you asked me if I believed in superstition I wouldn't know what to say, despite the fact that I still touch wood every chance I get. Essentially, I'm an extremely confused person.
5. I claim to love myself (and I do), but like every normal girl in this world (except the current Miss Universe, whom I really admire for her answer, despite the fact that I find it hard to believe that she actually meant what she said.)I have a complete list of things I'd like to change about myself, starting with my arms and going down to my hair. 
6. I once used to be an almost twi-hard *cringe*, and it took Dan Bergstein to get me out of my delusion. I also refused to read Harry Potter until the sixth grade, because the only part of it I'd ever read (Chapter One, Page One of Chamber of Secrets), seemed horrible. Eventually, I only read it because I'd read every other decent book in the library. I told you I sucked. 
7. I love music, and listen to it for at least half an hour every night, wandering around in the dark in my room, and making up stories behind each of the songs, but I still don't know my genres. 
8. I have a compulsive need to write down every single semi-smart thought that comes into my head; you'll be seeing proof this a lot, if you follow me. If I come up with a nice sentence while writing something, and even if it doesn't fit, I'll find a way to stick it in somewhere. 
9. To be able to read minds is my most desired super power. I'm an idiotically romantic girl. I really don't know what I want, whether it be for dinner or for a career. 
10.  I'm pretty forgetful and thus forced to write down anything important that I need to remember. On the other hand, I tend to remember a lot of insignificant details that other people have long forgotten. I'm pretty verbose, sometimes unnecessarily, as you can see from this blog post. I didn't really listen when they were discussing the "economy of words" in English. 

~Sam 

Nine

Hola there, pretty people! Its been so long since I've talked to you! Or maybe not very long at all--time seems to be moving so inconsistently these days. Anyhow, you might have noticed some changes on the blog recently, those are  because I was jobless and trying to make it Pretty and Appealing, but I didn't want one of those convoluted designs that look pretty and then end up giving you a headache, so I just chose this one, which has an added advantage of letting you pick which way you want to see the posts (i.e., in a classic, flipcard, magazine, mosaic, sidebar, snapshot or timeline format). Whoo, long sentence!

Anyways. I use "anyways" a lot, don't I? Oh well.

Getting to the point..today's Ten Day You Challenge Topic Thingamabobby is..

Nine Loves.

1. Friends, family, blah blah blah. You can fill this one in on your own, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. Your friends and your family, the ones who keep you going, the foundation of your skyscraper.You might occasionally want to murder them, but you will always love them.
   Getting down to the actual stuff now...
2. Books! I love a good book almost more than anything in this world; interrupting me when I'm engrossed in one is one of the many things that'll make me snap at you. Sitting on the floor in a nice cozy corner alone in my room, or maybe on a window seat while its raining outside, with a good book and a cup of steaming, thick hot chocolate is pretty much my idea of paradise. Simple girl, I is. 
3. Those perfect moments. The ones where everything is just right, where everything is Absolutely Perfect. You're not PMS-ing, no one else is hormonal or pissed off, the world seems to be covered in a soft sunlit glow and you're surrounded by the people you love, perfectly happy and content. It doesn't matter what you're doing or where you are, its just that inner peace that you're all feeling, all at the same time, so that life seems like a miracle and the world a heaven. 
4. Chocolate. Be it in the form of actual chocolate or in the form of ice cream, cake, brownies, or anything else for that matter, I adore it. Forget adore, I bloody well worship it! Chocolate has to be a sin--nothing can exist on this earth be that faultless. 
5. People. Those wonderful, wonderful people who make you think that maybe humanity doesn't suck after all. The ones's who will stop for that woman crying on the street. The ones who sacrifice, even if its only a little sacrifice, for others. The ones who're usually not known to us, and live their life in oblivion, but the ones who deserve more love than all the Jack Sparrows and Hugh Jackmans of the world combined.
   People. Those amazing people whom you can vent to and rant at and who will just take it all, and not hate you, and will listen. And, more importantly, keep it to themselves. 'Tis hard to find people like that in this world, yes sir it is. 
6. My phone. I'm sorry, you were probably expecting something more profound to follow that last point, but that thing is the reason I'm still sane. I would probably have killed myself a long time ago if I'd had to survive all those long nights of studying without its consoling and sympathetic presence. Also, Brickbreaker is probably the best distraction in the world. Seriously. 
7. Getting my own way (without being made to feel guilty about it-it doesn't matter if you beat up your little brother to get the remote control and watch Big Bang Theory or whatever, but feel guilty the entire time you're watching it). And no, don't look at me like that, I know you like this too. You can't be human and not like it. 
8. MUSIC! That wonderful, beautiful, haunting, heartbreaking, smile-making music which just conveys everything that you're feeling so eloquently, so beautifully, that you feel that it must have been written by you yourself in some other life, for how could any one know what you're feeling so precisely, so accurately. Music that opens up your mind to new vistas, new stories, new lives and new loves without making you move a step. Music that takes you farther than any airplane or spaceship ever could. Music that makes your life, a life. 
9. Myself, occasionally. And no, that does not make me a narcissist, even though narcissism literally means being in love with yourself. I do love myself, because I can't have lived with myself for so many years without doing that. Imagine spending your life with someone you don't love-its horrifying! And since I have to spend my entire life with myself, and since I'm not really into masochism, the least I could do is turn myself into a person that I love at least occasionally. 

~Sincerely Hoping That That Made Sense, Sam.

I suck.

I'm sorry, but its true. And the fact that its taken me this long to figure it out is just another tribute to my suckiness. If there was a kingdom for dorks, I'd probably be their Queen. Seriously. The one time I bunked a class, I was so freaked out that I'd get caught that I almost wet my pants. And I never bunked again. And this despite the fact that the "class" I bunked wasn't even a class as such, it was just some lame compulsory physical education thing, which I bunked accidentally (yes, THAT is how lame I am. The only time I bunk a class, its accidental). And you know how I made use of my precious illicit time? By doing homework. In the classroom. I didn't even have the sense to hide! And I was such a nerd that even when a teacher passed by, she didn't comment, because obviously Sam couldn't be bunking! How unthinkable!

Another reason I suck is because, as I learned today, I can't even ignore people properly. In fact, I suck so much that I can't even ignore the long enough for them to realize that they're being ignored! AND I CAN'T EVEN COMPLETE A MEASLY TEN DAY YOU CHALLENGE PUNCTUALLY! Or in order.

So now you know. I suck.


You'll still follow me though, right? *looks pitiably at you*


~Sam

UPDATE: This post is not meant to be taken seriously. Its just something I remembered, and I wanted to share it because that's the whole point of this blog. Sharing random stuff which pops into my head. So please don't get worried and think that I'm suicidal or anything, because I'm not. I mean, I might suck, but I'm still awesome! ^-^

Seven

Hi! This is something I found on someone else's blog, and I found it interesting, so I'm going to do it. "This" is:

The Ten Day You challenge!

Okay, here's the thing. All of this sounds really interesting to me, but I love my anonymity (and the fact that you can't stereotype me or expect anything from me if you don't know me) here more than anything else, so I'm not going to be revealing any deep, dark secrets about me here, nor am I going to be putting up a picture of myself. Honestly, though, I'm not that interesting a person, so you're not missing out on anything by me not putting up my secrets. Also, since you'll get to know most of my "secrets" in some post or another, it seems kind of redundant to post them here, too.

Anyways. I will definitely do all the rest, but I'm just going to answer these as they take my fancy instead of in order,  because that's what awesome people do. Also, I can't really think of Nine Loves today, while I have my Wants all nice and ready. So yeah the one I'll be writing on today is Seven Wants, and Seven Wants for me are..

1. To become perfectly happy, content, rich and famous, in that order, within the next ten to fifteen years. Also, to find Perfect Guy within the same time period, since I obviously can't be either fully happy or fully content without him, and force him down the proverbial altar. (Side note: Am I the only person who finds it interesting that you sacrifice animals-or used to, anyways-and get married, both at the altar?)
2. To figure out what I really want to do with my life, and become amazing at it. Oh, and get rich doing it. 
3. To meet Mark Zuckerberg. Meeting Sergey Brin would be nice, too. You might be surprised that Hugh Jackman isn't on this list, but that's because I prefer the Hugh of my imagination (who is Perfect In Every Way). I don't want the real life Hugh breaking my bubble, since, as I've earlier mentioned, its impossible for any human to live up to the standards I've set for them in my head. 
4. To fall in love. Deep, true love. I know I said I wasn't desperate, and I'm not, but it seems like an amazing feeling from all the songs and the books that I've heard and I've read, and I really truly want to experience it before I turn old and withered and die. 
5. To figure out a way to stay thin without having to do anything. Oh, and to figure out the Meaning of Life. 
6. To learn to be content with what I have, and who I am. 
7. World Peace. *insert pause for snorts of laughter from audience* Seriously, though. I'd love for that to happen in my lifetime, or to even have a role in it, who knows. And by world peace I don't mean only the absence of wars, I mean peace. Complete, calm, peace. In every home, in every heart, in ever human. Without any troubles or wars or even arguments, without petty fights and hatred and annoyances. Total Joy. Bliss. Happiness. Fulfillment. Peace. 

These are not all my wants, not by a long shot-I also want to be able to read minds, have the power of telekinesis, have 48 hours in a day, not have to waste half my life sleeping, not have to do anything I don't want to, and a million other things-but these're the ones that first came to mind.

~A Very Philosophical, Sam 

10 years later

When people ask me about my future, i would probably tell them how i plan to do law. Or if that doesn't work out, I'd get into business. But I secretly dream of getting away to someplace where no one will find me. Get a nice pretty cabin maybe? yeah. i think i could live like that. Sometimes it"s nice just to be left alone. I'll probably eventually get bored, but until then, i know it'll be beautiful. 

The cabin would probably look something like this.

Yeah so what would I do there? Well, i see myself working on my writing; perhaps a few books. Its a great place for inspiration don't you think? Its also romantic, so I'd probably get my lover here. If ever oh, oh ever there is one. 

Whoever said dreaming was a crime?

Then again, all this is just for theory. I have no clue whether it will actually work out. Then , again, one can never be too hopeful, right? *doubts herself* *sigh* oh well. Its a nice dream. 

A happier post from malko.

Yes yes, I know my last few posts have been, depressing and blah, but lucky for you guys, Im 30% happy right now.
I've decided to go ahead and use one of sams "writers block" topics from a previous post. But before I do that, I would like to send a message to a certain friend who texted me about our mutual love for LOTR. I couldn't text back because apparently I barred my outgoing. I don't know how to unbar it, so if anyone knows, feel free to enlighten me. Getting back to LOTR, isn't it awesome? Doesn't it give you that epic feeling? Its a total win I tell ya. Aragorns THE man. Best character I tell ya. I reallyyyy want to read the books(yes I haven't read them *breaks down*), but I can't find the time or patience. You need to be in the complete mood to read stuff like that.
Okay so now I will tell you guys about my days as an obsessed fan.
Ahem. *clears throat*

  A long long time ago, there lived an obsessed fan. Let's call her "obsessed fan", shall we? So a long long time ago there lived an obsessed fan known by the name obsessed fan. One day obsessed fan sat in front of her beloved computer to download some new music. Randomly she came across a band called Tokio Hotel. The moment she heard them she knew that there was something about them. They made magic, not music. Such was her belief. She would listen to them alll day. She would talk about them alll day. People got soooo sick of it.  She would also go on about how hot the lead guitarist was. Most people thought he looked like a chick. She then told them, "Hey! Germans happen to be very pretty people. And they have flawless skin!" Honestly speaking, his face looked so smooth that either he didn't have facial hair,or he waxes it off his face which would be plain weird. Anyhow, he was a twin. His twin brother was the lead singer of the band and he definitely looked like a chick. Most people thought he was gay, but she went on to protest that. So when their birthday arrived, she tried calling them too. She was heart broken they didn't respond. (ofcourse they wouldn't. They had a million fans. This girl was ridiculously out of her frikkin mind!)  She also kept visiting websites and requesting them to come to india. :/

But like everything, the obsession came to an end. And now, she doesn't even listen to them.

So why did I tellll you alll that bull crap? To show you just how obsessed a person can be. Well almost. The next level would be to become a groupie. :/

And there you go. A leaflet from the journal of an ex obsessed fan.

This is malko saying maytheforcebewithyou

Crazy about guys? Who, me? No way!

Seriously. I'm not. Despite the fact that most of my posts are either completely about the phenomena we know as Men, or have at least some reference or other to them, I'm actually not as desperate as I sound. In fact, if Perfect Guy asked me out right this moment, I'd probably say no-I have way too much going on in my life for a relationship right now, and I've recently learned-vicariously, thankfully-that relationships aren't always all fun and games. And since I don't have the time to invest completely in a relationship right now, I wouldn't be able to ask Perfect Guy to, because that would just make me feel really, really ...mean, for lack of a better word. (The no-swearing-policy is because I'm still trying to keep this thing PG-13. God alone knows why, though, since most 13 year-olds I've met recently seem more  informed than I am).  So this post is basically just to let you know that if you're getting tired of my obsession with guys, I honestly, truly do have some other things I'd like to write about. They're just not as much fun as talking about guys.

Stay tuned though, I'll come up with something soon :) Maybe one of the topics from here?

~Sam 

I'm a girl! :O

Okay, so biologically speaking I've always been a girl, but I've never been a girl as such. Until now. Or rather, until a couple of years ago, I guess, but the realization struck me today. I'm a girl. My voice has become shriller and shriller. I talk about boys all the time. I've started caring about nail polish and make-up (which are two separate things according to me). Hell, I was discussing future kids' names yesterday!


Oh. My. God. I'm a girl.

~A Very Freaked Out, Sam. 

Why I think the world should end.

You know those people you see in movies or tv shows who are completely hopeless? The people that are so fucked up that they can't think straight? The people that pray for the world to end? I think they're overly dramatic and have a lot of shit to deal with. Unfortunately enough, I'm one of them. My grades are bad. My mind isn't stable. I feel like a pathetic waste of space because I waste all my time. I don't know how to do things right anymore. I lie. I laze around. I get angry. I yell at people. I guess the only thing left for me to do is do drugs and get a tattoo (i already have a few piercings.(and by few I mean 2 on each ear. :/ )). My parents think I'm hopeless. I don't think I blame them. My grades have been consistently low. I want to do better, but I don't. I can't.But still when your own parents say youre useless, it kinda hurts. I may not be a mushy feely person, but I do have a heart and its capable of hurting.
   I used to think that if I wanted to, I could always do better and that I chose not to work my ass off because I was just being a sloth. But I'm scared to find out the truth. What if my best isn't good enough? Four or five years ago, I KNEW for a fact that if I tried my best, I would be where I wanted to be. Now, not so sure.
   Sometimes I wonder, if I continued to be that boring person that I used to be in 7th or 8th grade,would I be doing better? Did things like music and popularity get to my head? Can I ever be that smart person that I used to be?
All of this may seem like a whole bunch of cliche bull crap. Trust me, it is. But stuff like this does happen. It may not seem like a big deal to others, but to people who're facing it, it ain't no joyride.
   So, I strongly want the world to end. But I don't want to die without doing the things I've always wanted to do..but thats for another time. I'm done venting now. For those of you who actually read this and made it to the end, congratulations. No, seriously, you deserve it.

So long people...this is MAlko saying maytheforcebewithyou.

I want Him.

-[2014 me is laughing so hard at this right now. So dramatic, wow.] [2015 edit: No, really, what was I on?]-

I NEED Him. And no, I'm not talking about God, though a few more blessings here and there from Him wouldn't go unwanted either. Is that grammatically correct? Probably not. Do I care? No. I don't even care about the fact that I don't care, that's how far gone I am right now.

I need him. My perfect guy. My hot boyfriend, though I want him to be a lot more than just a hot boyfriend that I can brag about. My soul mate, maybe? My love. The one who makes all my troubles go away, if only for a little while. The one who'll be my treasure, my "precious", my anchor, my harbor, my world. The one who'll make me laugh when I know I'm about to cry, a la Taylor Swift in "You Belong With Me", the one who'll lend me his shoulder and his handkerchief without asking for anything when I do cry, the one who'll love me despite the sniffles and the snot and despite all my faults and neediness. The ark that I can come into after a long hard annoying plain pissing off day (which today has been, in case you hadn't noticed). The one who'll hold me and love me and nurture me and complete me make me so much more than me. The one who belongs with me. The one I can spend the rest of my life with, and no, I do not give a damn if humans are sociologically not created to be monogamous. The one I can rant at and bitch in front of, without him thinking any less of me, because no matter how much you try to unbitch yourself there are certain people who're just begging for someone to bitch about them, who insist on coming in your way no matter how much you try to avoid them, who insist on making you break your promise to, well, to unbitch yourself, who force themselves under your skin and make you want to just tear out your hair (or, alternatively, to punch them) and get them out of your system.

The one who'll be there, all day, every day, perfect and sane, the beach to my ocean, the bank to my river. With dimples ^-^ And I know he probably doesn't exist, and I'm setting the standard too high, and I should just  get used to the fact that no one, NO ONE, can be that perfect, but right now, I just need hope. And even if he only exists in my imagination for my entire life, I will still hope that he's out there, somewhere (only I hope I find him before I marry Mr Second Choice, cuz I really don't wanna cheat on and/or divorce anyone).

~A Slightly-Less-Exasperated Sam

Also, I don't know if anyone is reading this besides moronsorginally (who, by the way, I will always love and remember as being my first real comment-or), but thanks a lot. Also, Malko, for the idea to start a blog, because it's nice to have someone to rant at, even if it's only a blank page. Thank you, love you, and God bless you. And now I sound old. *sigh* 

Malko's List of Whats Hot and Whats Snot about dudes.Part 1.

I think I'm making this list so I can understand what I think is hot. I never really thought about it. But....I'm making this list...so let's see....
Hair
Whats Hot>it has to be short. Like not crew cut short-although that seems hot too- but short enough that the hair stands up.
Watch out. I think my "Whats Snot" is larger. :/
Whats Snot> I don't care how long he spends in front of a mirror, preferably not much time.toooo much time is kind of a nono. Greasy. Bleh. A little gel is okay...but too much is gross. I dont want a blob of goo when I touch his hair. Most importantly. If long hair does not go with the face, he must lose it. :/

Hands 
What's hot> big hands. YeH. That's a Definate turn on. And nerves popping out is super sexy. Accompany that with a hot metal strap watchband I'd hit that. ;)
What's snot> sickly thin voldemort like hands with dirty nails. Glack. Hygiene dude!


 Physique
What's hot> a decent body that's well maintained and fit. I don't need six packs or anything, but he must keep fit and work out.
What's snot> Gangly thin guys. When people look at us, I dont want them to think that I'd break him in bed. Gah! Yeah. Definitely not.

 Style 
What's hot>Casualality. I'm not into the guys who like to accessorize themselves too much. They should natually be able to carry anything off. My ideal guy would wear really loose shirts with faded jeans and probably a nice pair of basketball pumps. Then when he wears formals occasionally, I can drool al over him.
What's snot> Tight jeans and tight shirts. No matter how muscly he is, he must NOT wear tight, body hugging shirts. Oh and when he wears formal shirts(which is super hot) he must not leave too many buttons open. It looks gay.


Talents>Me, being a musician, i dont want to end up with one, otherwise, instead of appreciating me, he'll probably just notice my errors and try to point them out. I hate it when people do that. i guess I'm kind of a hypocrite in that manner. I tend to correct people. Bad habit of mine. Trying to lose it. honestly. Moving on, he shouldd preferably be a basketball player. A musician and basketball player go nicely don't you think? Maybe I just believe in NALEY way too much( One tree hill reference). Also, if he's a basketball player and  a closet writer or a pianist, he just topped my list.


 There's more... So stay tuned. NOTE: yes I've been invisible for a while.. Was kinda busy..and the obsession phases are also unfinished. I do realize. My apologies non existent followers( wait does this mean I'm talking to myself? Great now I'm schizophrenic. *adds to list of disorders*)...thhhhhats about it. For now.

 This is malko saying maytheforcebewithyou.

This is embarrassing.

But I need to admit the truth.

Okay. Here goes.

...
...
...
*deep breath*


...
...
I find Simon Cowell hot. I'm sorry, but there you go. I know most people think he's an arrogant jerk, and he probably is one, too, but watching 4 continuous hours of X factor re-runs has brought me to this conclusion. Simon is hot. In fact, he reminds me of George Clooney.

You can call me crazy now.

In my defence, he's British. And confident. And successful (what exactly is he successful AT though? What does he do, besides judging TV shows?). And kind of handsome. And British. Did I mention he's British? Like, with accent and all? How do you resist that?

So there you go. Now you know.

~Sam

And yes, that is how desperate I was to post today. 

And the thoughts go pop pop pop in my head...

..And the wheels go round round round on the bus...

Like so.

You'd think from the title that I was quoting some random famous song. You'd be wrong.

This post basically consists of random thoughts that popped into my head at various times (hence the title), so if the tit-bits seems disconnected and sense-less, that's because my thoughts aren't usually very coherent or linear.

Anyways. Here you go. A little peek into what I think about at night, when I can't go to sleep.

1. Gravity is going to have her revenge someday. For all the airplanes and the free fall rides and the roller coasters and the skyscrapers. She's just lulling us into a false sense of security right now, messing with us, making us complacent. And then, boom, its gone.

Unnatural, thats what it is.

2. Life is crazy. But then again, whose isn't? And if anyone does believe that their's isn't, they're crazy. And even when life is in control, its only for a short time, never for long enough to count. Very volatile thing, life is.

That is not even close to how complicated life is. Its still a pretty good representation though. Lots of shit on the inside, but a nice smiley front on the outside.

3. The best thing about the teenage years? Sarcasm comes so naturally to you.

Give me House and TasteofAwesome, and I will give you heaven. Oh no, wait. I'll give you a funeral. Cuz I'll be the one who'll be in heaven, you see.

4. "Work expands to fill the time available for its completion." Truest thing ever quoted.

This guy said that, would you believe it?
Looks. They can be deceving. Bet he had a teenaged kid, though.

5. Little things, and little people, are cute, whether they be human babies, tiger cubs, or baby sparrows.

Cute

Little things of usually big things are even cuter, viz. baby elephants and giraffes. If I knew what a baby blue whale looked like, I'd probably find it cute, too.

Cuter

Things smaller than a certain limit, however, are not cute-like baby cockroaches and microbes and other creepy-crawlies *shudders*.

I don't even know why Google has pictures of this. 

So the point of this is..of course size matters!

Anyways. Cockroaches are ew, so I'll just end this on a happy note with a picture of Jack:

There should be a captain in there somewhere.

~An Almost Crazy Sam

PMS+Depressing Book=Dumb Questions About Humanity

I read a book today. It's called "I Don't Know How She Does It", it's by a person called Allison Pearson, and it talks about some of the issues I wrote about here. Frankly, it depressed me. It's about a woman trying to deal with two children and a tiring job-trying to make it in a man's world, without fully leaving the woman's. In the end, she picks the woman's world.

Gender equality is not the point here, however. My views on that have already been made clear. What got me depressed about this book was how it portrayed-accurately-the total isolation that men and women live in, in this world. The coldness that we show towards people not directly related to us. The way we conveniently ignore the fact that every person we pass in the street has a life, has a story. That he has troubles and difficulties and sorrows and joys and love. That every person that we look through, has substance. That every person we ignore or mistreat, is also a person, a human being.  Not many people would stop to help a woman crying in the middle of the street; most would either pity or scorn her. Not many would sacrifice their time and energy to help someone to whom they have no emotional attachment, and thus, no vested interest in. We are so ensconced in ourselves, we have no time for anyone else. We live in a society, but in the end, it's each man for himself. Each woman, for herself. United we stand, but we prefer to remain divided, too busy with our little tremors to notice someone else's earthquakes.

~Sam