Star-addicted

Virtual reality-
The stars above you,
Two inches from your face,
Turn left and they're so much closer-
You can see the crystals, the sharp edges-
Right, and they're distant lights again.
Is that how life is?
(This is where this gets pretentious.)
Look up close at the sharp angles and mistakes,
Or far away at the general joy
(General Joy, salute, mandatory reference made)
and sadness, regrets and nostalgia.
Who makes this choice, are we born with it?
Do we decide how to see the glass,
Half-full or half-empty, beer or wine?
(I don't know what I'm saying.)
Oh yes- the stars-
They're beautiful, are they not?
So pretty, so romantic,
Those burning balls of fire,
Consuming gas, imploding, exploding-
Whatever it is that stars do.
Whatever it is that lovers do.


~Sam 

An envelope full of memories.

Emptying out my backpack-
Too full of fly-about sheets for my sanity-
I rifle through a month full of memories.
Receipts, from conversations and lunches,
Their faded typed lettering reflective of so much more than numbers-
Reflective of squeals squealed and hugs inflicted,
Happiness relived and memories both shared and made.
Hastily scribbled napkins with dates and times and tiny snippets of life;
Tickets, which say the flight time is two hours,
But I know better- I know how many years and weeks and months it took to reach there.
Boarding passes, reminiscent of a stinging embarrassment, when I left one behind on the counter-
Reminiscent of the night of sleepless revelry that led to such forgetfulness-
Reminiscent of all that came before and all that came after.
Cards, thrust into my hands by eager shopkeepers,
Symbols of purchases made, of another day and another friend, of brownies and twinship,
Of a slight rebelliousness in the air that day,
Which leads back again to other days,
Other memories-
A lifetime full of memories.
My envelope full of memories.

~Sam

February Favourites

Look, alliteration!
I know I'm late, but my internship ended yesterday and I figured I'd write this after wrapping up that part of my life. And maybe because I was lazy. Moving on, this is going to be another stupendously long post, so enjoy!

1. My first favourite leads from my last post (and all my other posts) and is basically Sakhzi's unfailing declaration of love for all my favourites posts. I love doing them, and it's nice to know they're making other people's hearts warm too. ^_^ 
2. As I think I've mentioned, I'm with my aunt for the holidays, and as always, it's been wonderful. I love having a sister in the house, I love being with my aunt, I love having a younger sibling to defend from his evil older sibling. I also love this place and all its cool hangout spots, and winter clothing and boots and coats and scarves and gloves and beanies and hot chocolate- I'm beginning to realize I really like winter when I'm warm. One particularly fond memory is from the night before my aunt's birthday, where she gave me precisely one drop of vodka mixed with half a glass of cranberry juice and asked me to try out her cocktail, and then my cousin and I laughed at her (she has a tendency to talk about taking us drinking, but when it came to it...) and we chilled and talked all evening.
3. This one night (which seems like another lifetime, not just last month) where we went out and I had coffee lava cake (so good!). I was lost over the main course- food courts are not meant for indecisive people like me, usually I just wander in circles looking at all the choices and see which one I can visualize myself eating that night, a process which involves many evocations of "Sam, have you decided yet? Sam, we're leaving. Sam?" One kindly behind-the-counter person saw my plight and decided to step in and help me, and asked me whether I was vegetarian or non-vegetarian. Then he narrowed down my life to precisely two choices of different kinds of chicken, and since one was meant to be shared, I was left with one, and that is what I ate (heads up- harissa chicken? Amazing). He was a godsend, and I firmly believe that every food court should have such decision making angels. One thing I do regret from that night is that he'd asked me to give him feedback, but when I went to tell him his chicken was awesome he was talking to someone and I didn't want to awkwardly disturb him so I thought I'd come back later, but then we left in a hurry and I forgot. :( 
4. Internship! Parts of it sucked- like the freezing cold in the office, and being told by one of the juniors that I needed to be more proactive after an already shitty day of headaches and life sadness, but most of it was absolutely wonderful. I loved the chaos of court, though not so much the waiting; I loved hearing about crazy clients and pointless cases; I loved learning about everything I'd never even have heard of in law school; I loved the bright-eyed thrill of finding the perfect bit of information, or the most fitting case after searching for hours; I loved walking with my long black coat and slight heels and feeling all cool; I loved the car-rides with random conversations, with the beautiful city outside the window- one favourite was when they asked me if One Direction had been my boy band while growing up, and I scoffed at the idea and said no, of course not, Backstreet was my boy band, One Direction only got on the scene when I was like already sixteen and ancient, I'm not that young. And then they all laughed at me, and I smiled too because it cracked the ice a little more- I was pretty awkward for like the first three of my four weeks, and they'd already teased me about being far too scared of them and jumping every time someone called me. This is one of the times I wish I was a little more...proactive, I suppose ( :P ) and a little less awkward, because I could have done a lot more if I'd been less underconfident and shy or whatever the hell I am. Either way, it was an amazing learning experience, and at the end of it I got a sweet note AND MY FIRST STIPEND EVER, and now I don't know what to do with it. 
5. News of Harper Lee's Mockingbird sequel, Go Set A Watchman! I'm slightly less delighted now than I was when I first heard the news- which was met with increasing levels of squealing as we realized first, that there was another book by her, and second that it was a sequel oh sweet mother  A SEQUEL- because of all the mess about whether this was actually done with her free and informed consent or not. So now I don't know how to feel, but ignoring all the mess and focusing just on the book, I AM SO EXCITED. To Kill A Mockingbird is one of my absolute favourite books of all time- to the extent that, as I've written about earlier, my ideal tattoo would be three birds circling on my wrist, a nightingale (because Ode to a Nightingale) and a mockingbird and a bluejay, because this book is life. Which, I know, sets a very high standard for the next one, which adds to the conflicted feelings, but my overwhelming feeling is one of happiness, so this deserves a spot on here. 
6. My favouritest TV show ever started filming this month! Koko went all extra and told us that it was airing this month and we all went wild, until Laani informed us that they were only starting filming- which is still good enough for me. YAYAYAYY!
7. Once Upon A Time is another TV show that I'm beginning to really like (though the second season is largely annoying, but I'm informed that the third is brilliant), to the extent that I want to cosplay as one of its characters for Comic Con. She isn't my favouritest character on the show, but her outfit is cool, so she's my choice as of now. Please pray I find nice, cheap clothes. Also, if I manage to do it, it'll be my first cosplay ever, SO OMG EXCITEMENT.
8. I finally bought Baby Lips, and I love it! Yes, lip balm is a favourite, shut up. I ALSO BOUGHT RED LIPSTICK. FROM SEPHORA. FINALLY. My life is now complete.
9. This one evening when we went to this amazing Italian restaurant, and I had shandy and a sip of beer which wasn't completely disgusting, and, most importantly, baked potato with cheese and chicken!!!! And banofee pie! Both of which I'd been craving 5ever. 
10. A certain annoying friend of mine, Casey, stalked my facebook and brought up embarrassing old posts which left me weeping and laughing at the same time, because omgwhatwasIthinking, but also omgirememberthatmemories!
11. One of the posts that he brought up was one of those chain thingies, where if you liked my status I would tell you my first impression of you, how we met, your best feature, what I like about you, what reminds me of you, my favourite memory of us, a rating of your profile picture, what I think we should do and whether you should post this as your status. Evil as they are, a whole bunch of my friends liked the status, and my kindliness led me to answer all of them, which, again, led me down memory lane and teary smiles. It also led to me making everyone else also put this up as their status, one of which eventually ended in a ~2200 comment thread because we are just that jobless. 
12. I met a couple of my friends, which is always fun, but getting to meet the Chocolate Bomb, thrice, after I don't even know how long, takes the cake. I love her so much, I can't even express it. 
13. BOMBAY. I went there for the competition I'd been researching on/dying over/whining about since October, and despite promising myself I would not put myself through this again, the thrill of actually presenting my work was so great that now I'm considering doing it again, and I don't know how to feel about that. That confusion is for another day, however- first let me rave about Bombay:
1. The sea. How does anyone get any work there? If I lived there, I would just sit by the sea all day and stare out at the water thinking about anything and everything, or just nothing. I did do that one night, chilling by Marine Drive, and it was so...serene.
2. I got to meet Sakhzi! We shopped and talked and ate the most amazing brownies ever made- including a cookie brownie, which is the most amazing creation that can ever be made, with the exception perhaps of a brownie cookie. 
3. The after party, after the competition, the details of which are not appropriate for a public forum, but which, let me just say, was amazing.
4. The beautiful, too small, cupcakes the hosts greeted us with, and the excitement of finally being there after so long. 
5. The fondness I feel for parts of this experience after it is over. Some weird Stockholm Syndrome is at play here, I tell you, I despised everything except the oral presentation while working, and now I suddenly love just about all of it. 
6. Finding sticky notes we'd passed to each other during our rounds, later, and feeling all nostalgic. 
7. Meeting my uncle and aunt after I don't even know how many years.
8. Being a badass rebel and climbing the shoe house (yes, that is what it sounds like) meant for kids under 12 and standing at the balcony and looking out at the pretty gardens and the sea and feeling like a princess, even though in the story the witch built the house to trap kids or whatever. Also, I kind of may have started a rebellion because when I left everyone was clambering all over the shoe, which made me feel all Mockingjay. 
9. Oh, I forgot to mention, I fell in love. One of our alumni took a practice round for us, and he is just the sweetest, smartest and cutest man on the planet, end of discussion. He was adorable, and his house was littered with Calvin and Hobbes cushions. How could anyone resist? This apart, the general sweetness of our seniors in helping us out was very touching, and some of them did a lot more than anyone would have expected. <3
10. Nyancat aka team mommy aka my adoptive room mother. She is a favourite. That is all.
11. One of the many things I liked about this trip was that I wasn't as rule-abiding as I usually am. Under the experienced tutelage of my teammate, we skipped a super-boring event to go to cool fests being held in the city (where we serendipitously stumbled across a most delicious scent of waffles, and eventually the waffles themselves, which we devoured and then we walked and talked and sat and talked and just had a wonderful evening). I then skipped another pointless event to nap, and partially missed another one to hang out with Sakhzi. I chilled at Marine Drive at 2am. I hugged a cute boy and had a bad-Backstreet-Boy singalong with another one. I danced. I laughed. I lived. #drama
14. HOW COULD I FORGET, I COOKED! Pasta! I'd bought the sauce after tasting a free sample while waiting for Bomb to come see me, and then I decided I would make the pasta myself, and I did (with some help)! I have pictures to prove it too! And it was edible! And all of it got eaten! B| Successfully cooking (and also successfully wearing formals every day for a month, which believe me was torture, I think I'm studying for the wrong profession) made me realize that maybe I won't completely fail at adulhood, which was a nice moment. 
15. I made this new friend, RC, and got some amazing music from him. Current favourite: One Headlight, by The Wallflowers. I also got an epic book recommendation which I will read and review as soon as I can get my hands on it.
16. I did a bit of shopping which always lights up the materialist in me- I bought the cutest tiny leather bag which will only carry my phone and some money, which was a size I'd been looking for; and three pairs of pretty earrings and another bag and a few scarves and Spongebob pajamas and a pretty kurti which I currently love and other things I don't remember. 
17. AND NOW I HAVE LEGIT HOLIDAYS FOR ALL OF FIVE DAYS WHEN I CAN CHILL WOOHOO!

Okay, I have to go now. Forgive me for any typos, I haven't been able to proofread, but I need to run and this post is late enough as is. 

Ta!

~Sam