Sam's List Of What's Hot And What's Snot In A Guy

[Update: This post makes 2014-me cringe, but I think I'll let it stay for reasons of posterity. Things I really had issues with have been cut out.]

Yes, you read that right. It's "Snot". It was originally a typo, but then we converted it into the real title, 'cuz typos can be awesome, just like us.

Anyway. This was supposed to be a fun post, but I've come to the cruel realization in recent days that I'm not really one of those funny writers who can make people laugh about the dumbest stuff (a la Allie Brosh), but this is something I've always wanted to do, and now whenever I find a decent guy I can conveniently tell him to go check out this link so he knows what is expected of him, so here it is anyway.

That was a long and probably grammatically incorrect sentence. I'm scared that I don't care.


Okay, I'll stop talking now. Bye!

One last thing-in case you haven't realized yet, this is a list of what I do and don't want in a guy. Though you probably know this. But just in case you don't. That's what it is. I'll let you get on with it now.

 Warning: It gets kind of mushy by the end.

*leaves. finally.*


Hair:
What's Hot: Dark or light, I don't really mind. I love Hugh Jackman, I love Owen Wilson, though I'm yet to meet a red head I like. What I do care about in a guy's hair is that it should be natural. Guys with those weird gay-looking fringes whose pics they have outside beauty salons are a total no-no. Pete Wentz's emo style is hot, but I'd prefer a more Hugh Jackman look in my guy. Natural is good. Style it well, i.e., get it cut in a decent way, but please don't spend longer on your hair on a daily basis than I do.
Note: I rarely spend longer than two minutes (true story).
Also, it should be soft and silky, and kind of long so I can run my hands through it, though I looooove military cuts, too.
What's Snot: Rough grungy hair. Fringes.

Hands: 
What's Hot: A close friend of mine, the Marshmallow, is obsessed with a guy's hands. She says they should be large, strong, with the veins kinda popping out-in a word, manly. I agree. Soft, calloused, whatever. Just let my hand feel small and soft and feminine in his. And let his be able to support me, make me feel like the safest woman in the world when he holds me with them. (Aww).
What's Snot: Hands that're smaller than mine. Soft girly hands. Sweaty hands.

Physique: 
What's Hot: Well, he should be sexy ;) I don't usually like the bulky type; I prefer a sleeker look (despite the fact that I'm obsessed with Wolverine). A six pack and all that jazz is fine with me, I just don't want him to look like The Hulk. The physique in general doesn't really matter that much to me though, I think.
What's Snot: Obesity. A guy who's skinnier than me (cuz that'd just make me feel fat). The unhealthy extremes of either thin or fat.


Smile: 
What's Hot: Dimples. Are. Compulsory. If you don't have them, go away.

Coming back to reality, if your smile is nice enough to impress me without dimples, you'll do. But if I had to choose between two men, I'd pick the one with dimples. Jus' sayin'. I think I'm so obsessed with them because I don't have them, and I want my future kid(s) to have at least some chance of getting them (Yeah, I'm definitely one of those future planner people).

Besides the dimples, I want nice, straight, even white teeth. No smokers allowed, thank you very much.

What's Snot: Smokers' teeth. Yellow, holey, ugly teeth. One of those creepy cold smiles.

Style:
What's Hot: I don't want a guy who looks like he lost his way from a Paris runway. I need someone real, and a guy in skinny jeans and a barely-there shirt ain't gonna do it for me. Put on jeans, a decent t-shirt, don't ever, ever  tuck it in, and you're perfect.
PS-I love guys in jeans. Malko doesn't get this: Her response, when I told her this, was, "Don't they all wear jeans?"
What's Snot: Looking gay when you aren't. Ill-fitting clothing. This includes too tight as well as too loose.

Sexuality: 
What's Hot: Straight, of course. I don't want to sound like a homophobe, but a bi guy won't do for me either. I'd just feel creepy if there was a possibility that he might have a crush on my ex boyfriend or whatever.  Bi guys are fine too. Coming to metro-sexuality..meh, not really. I want a guy to take care of himself, but I think waxing and getting your eyebrows done is taking things a bit too far. Also, as I said, I don't primp too much, and it'd be weird if my boyfriend spent longer getting dressed than I did. I'm not too fashion conscious either, so I don't really want a cross-dressing kinda guy. I want my guy to be a guy. Not a cave man, but not covered in cologne and Armani either. But overall, as long as you look decent, and don't primp too much, its fine.
What's Snot: Being gay and dating a chick.

Level of Romanticism: 
What's Hot: You probably know by now (since I'm making a list of the traits I require in Perfect Guy, you should definitely know by now) that I'm an extremely romantic gal. I've spent a long time dreaming about Perfect Guy (henceforth referred to as PG), and the least I expect from him is that he return all those years of dreaming with extensive thoughtfulness. Book a yacht for our anniversary, or just cook me my favorite dinner and plan for a romantic night, I don't really care about the magnitude of the act, just that you put some thought into it. Sorry, but a gift voucher for my birthday after we've been together for a couple of years just won't cut it, though I might give you a little leeway in the beginning.
What's Snot: Buying a gift voucher for our fiftieth anniversary. Worse, forgetting our fiftieth anniversary.

Talents: 
What's Hot: You should know how to cook. Everything. Because I can't, and I really don't want to learn either. I'd rather sit on the counter and sigh over you than cry over onions, thank you very much. That's pretty much the only thing I really require, but being able to sing or play a sexy instrument like a guitar or piano would be..another layer of chocolate on the cake, I suppose (I don't really like icing much). You should also be able to open any cans, and be strong enough to pick me up and make me feel small and dainty. Also, after intensively watching weeks of MasterChef Australia, I've reached the conclusion that I find chefs (especially young, blonde, curly-haired, blue-eyed ones) really, really hot.
What's Snot: Being a lazy, unemployed, aimless couch potato. I need a successful guy who can look after himself, at least, if not me.

Miscellaneous: 
What's Hot: I would love for you to have long eyelashes, but be prepared for some intense jealousy from me if you do have them. The eyes are important-they should reflect your honesty, and be awesome enough for me to be able to stare at them forever. They should also linger on me often. In a nice way, though. Not in a creepy, leery, stalker way.
You also need to be kind, helpful, generous, aware, eco-friendly, confident, and must worship me. You know, the usual.
What's Snot: Being dumb. Not existing.

Mushy Stuff: 
There's nothing else really left for me to say, so I'll just sum up and be mushy here. I want you to be manly, yet gentle; kind and generous, forgiving and thoughtful. I want to be able to lean on you, but I also want you to give me space when required. I want you to be committed. I want you to be there whenever I need you. I want you to know what I want, even when I don't. I want you to worship me, yet be willing to stand up to me when I'm wrong (and trust me, I will occasionally be wrong, as much as I'd like to deny it), and to have your own opinions. I want you to be understanding. I want you to be compassionate. I want you to be human. I want you to be my kind of perfect. I want you to be mine.

I want you to exist.


~Sam.

An Ode To My Marshmallow

Note: Marshmallow is a person. A female person. A female person whose birthday it is today. If you're looking for a post about white fluffy amazing manna-food marshmallows, today is not your day. 

Hi Marshmallow! ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY! *news flash*  *starts singing the 'Hey Shorty' song*

You turn..well you know how old, today, and I just wanted to say I LOVE YOU! You bring out the optimist in me, by being so pessimistic. You make me think, by asking so many questions. I think I'm way further on the road to finding the Meaning/Point of Life (PS-I've narrowed it down to either "hot guys" or "chocolates") because of you. I'm way more uninhibited because of you-I don't think there's a single topic in this world that we haven't or won't talk about! You're white and fluffy and soft (and probably yummy) just like a marshmallow and you're cuter than any baby. I love how you can whine forever, then be all practical; how you can say with total confidence that All Guys Are Jerks and go back to yearning for them the next week without batting an eyelid. How you're smart, and funny, and SO BLOODY CUTE! How you still manage to look like a fifth grader, despite being a certified adult. How you are now Important enough to have Rumors about you. How you are so...you. 

This is nothing like an ode, and Keats is probably turning over in his grave hearing me call this one, but..its a dedication, to you, my marshmallow, and thats enough for me to call it one. Besides, I've always wanted to be able to say that I've written an ode, despite the fact that I can't write poetry for shit (why would I write poetry for shit though? WHY?). Anyway. I don't really want to end this on the topic of shit, so I'll just add in a picture of you:

Pretty decent representation, no?

~Sam

Staring at the ceiling.

I began to think that I like writing more than I realized. Writing helps me express myself on paper. I love writing. I think i should be an author(oblivious fact). Why do I end up writing stories-Because I like creating an entire new dimension and imagining myself in it. Writing helps me create a world that I would like to be in and sometimes helps me believe that, those worlds are my reality. When I write, I usually describe the character as myself…and I add in the traits that I would like to have-like fighting. I would describe my character/me as strong(but sometimes really vulnerable), bad ass, proud, one who tends to make quite an impression on others, kind and easy conversationalist. I desperately wish that, I wake up from this horrendous nightmare that we claim to be life and live out ACTUAL lives. I’m sure by this time you learned a couple of things. Firstly, I am extremely unsatisfied with certain parts of my life. Secondly, I’m highly delusional. Thirdly, I have chemical imbalances. If guessed any one of them, give yourself a pat on the back. If you didn’t, well now you know. Honestly when you talk to me for the first time, you would know nothing. But if you really know me,(yes I’m talking to my dear friends out there), you would know that I have these really weird mood swings. But when I’m not PMSing or whatever, I’m actually pretty awesome. I won’t deny it, I have A LOT of friends. I like talking to people. But only certain people put up with my crap. I really owe it to them. Sorry for being such a bitch you guys. I’m writing down all of this because Sam says blogging will make me feel better. If theres anyone out there whos reading this, and feels the same way, do what i did. Write. It makes you feel better. So that’s all for now.

For Your Edification-Part 1

I don't know why, but last night I couldn't sleep, so I started thinking of things that move in a cyclical fashion.


You may now call me crazy if you wish to.

Anyway. This is some of the stuff I came up with. Feel free to add more things if you think of them! Also feel free to come up with a reason why this might be useful. They do say knowledge is power though..

Sam's List Of Things That Move In A Cyclical Fashion: Life.

• Clocks. 
• Fans. 
• Exhaust Fans. 
• Migratory Birds. 
• Days. 
• Wheels. 
• Fashion. 
• The Female Menstrual Cycle.
•  The Food Chain.
• Aristotle's Cycle of Change (for the uninitiated, this states that Monarchy will eventually lead to Tyranny, which will lead to Aristocracy, which will lead to Oligarchy, which will lead to Polity (what we now call 'democracy'), which will lead to Democracy (aka mob rule) which will lead to Monarch again, and so on. If you want meanings or more details, I'm sure Google will be happy to help. Or you could just ask in a comment and make me happy that someone is reading this shit).
• The Earth. 
• Other Planets. 
• Scandinavian Myth Cycles. 
• The Inheritance Cycle, presumably.

So yeah, thats about it. And yes, this blog post is basically a bunch of random words floating around. Just like all others.

Ciao till later!

~Sam.

My Quests

I don’t know if they had quests in LOTR or Star Wars or Star Trek or in something else altogether, but Quests are an extremely important part of life. These are my quests, right now:

• .       Unbitching Myself:  This includes not gossiping about people, or talking about them behind their backs, not losing my temper, and most impossibly, not swearing beyond “damn”, “hell” and an occasional “bloody”.
• .       Not Whining: This’ll be the hardest, cuz I was born whining. Literally. I cried all night long, the night I was born. They said I was the angriest baby they’d ever seen. And to think that a doctor had had the nerve to tell my mother that I was a small fetus!
• .       Taking the High Road: Basically means not bitching about people even if they TOTALLY deserve it, not even THINKING bad things about them, not getting into dumb arguments. Basically, being a hoity-toity “higher” person and not stooping to dumb people’s levels and deigning to fight with them.
• .       Getting and enjoying an awesome life. Perfect Guy included.
• .       Finally deciding my requirements of Perfect Guy. And maybe blogging them.
• .       Trying not to figure out how my phone fixed itself with no contribution from me and just accepting that miracles happen. (HOW though?!)
• .       Trying to un-OCD myself, about the various things.
• .       Trying to be less of a hypochondriac.
• .       Trying to manage my time better. Finding time to read more and write more.
•          Trying not to blame all my troubles on Mark Zuckerberg.

      ~Sam

Weird Obsession Phases- Phase One

You know how people have these weird obsession phases? Yeah well I have them too.So the Laani thought I should enlighten you guys about my weird obsession phases. Where do I begin? Oh right.  
Ahem *clears throat*  "Let me take you back fifty years ago..." (The Chamber of Secrets should flash into your mind right aboutttttttt...........NOW. Okay are you picturing it? Good, now forget it.)\
Okay so its not fifty years ago...I just wanted to use that dialogue. As i was saying, its not fifty but ten years ago. I went to my favorite place, the library. I LOVED it there. And they had awesome books there( aside- unlike here in India). I was randomly going through books when my eyes fumbled upon the prettiest cover I have ever witnessed in my life. The title read 'Pixie Tricks'. It was from then on, that I began to love fantasy. That makes me what i am today. And call me naive but I really believed in fairies and pixies and all sorts of myths. The book mentions a secrtet world from a portal; the portal is a tree(note that i used a semi colon. Yay. Sam if you're reading this, I USED A SEMI COLON! Update: Yay! Sam read it :D).  I would always hope that fairies or pixies of some sort would pop in out of a portal. Hey, a kid can dream. :| 
  I've decided to spread out the different phases and not post them at one so stay tuned.

This is the version I have. The other, new covers are so crappy. This book brought magic into my life. Oh and by the way, Tracy West, the author, also wrote the very famous Pokemon. That's another thing I was obsessed with. But that story's for another time.


Till then, this is MALKO saying, maytheforcebewithyou * sprinkles pixie dust* ^_^

Why Gender Equality Is A Myth

UPDATE: *winces* Just to let you know, it's 2014 and I have no idea what I was talking about back then and I now disagree with just about every point I made down there.
However, for posterity's sake, I shall let this be here.

I don't have an opinion on a lot of things. I prefer to remain neutral, unless a situation directly affects me and my life, or is something that I have first-hand/reallyreally detailed experience in. For that reason, I'm against the usual way of the world where the US and western Europe seem to have given themselves the right to decide how other countries run their lives, like in Libya. But that's another story.

Today's story is about gender equality, and I do have an opinion on this, because..well, because I have a gender. A lot of people have said a lot of things on this issue, and its a widely accepted fact in today's world that men and women are equal. But are they really? I don't think so. If God, if you believe in Him, or Evolution, if you don't, has created two separate sub-species of humans, it's for a reason. If we're all the same, then there shouldn't be two of us in the first place, because we aren't adding anything new to the world-no one buys two pairs of the same jeans (unless they're really, really awesome jeans. But moving on..).

When people think of equality today, they think of women being able to do the same things as men, for better or worse. But women can't do the same things as men-they are biologically created differently. Men are stronger, women faster. Together they can be faster and stronger, but if a woman sacrifices on her speed to try to gain strength, she'll be nowhere-she won't have the strength of a man no matter how hard she tries (there's a reason women and men compete separately in all sporting events), and she'll be ignoring her own God-gifted talent of speed. Similarly, women are by default created to handle people-children included-better. There are some guys who're great with kids, no doubt, but the majority are too impatient, too testosterone-filled, and simply too inept at handling whiny, crying kids to be able to do the woman's job. They are the hunters, the killers-we, the creators, the nurturers. If a man had to bear children, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have a population problem in the world right now, because they simply aren't born to handle that, to sacrifice their own comfort for another being to the extent that women do (no offence, guys). Similarly, I don't think a woman can effectively kill people on the front line of a war, and then come home and nurture a child. Of course, I strongly believe that women should have the choice to go out and fight on the front line if she wants to, and that a man should be allowed to stay at home and raise kids if he wants to, without facing any social stigma-I just don't think that they'd be effective at it. Equality of choice, I accept; equality of gender, not so much.

Forget being allowed to do or not do certain jobs. Lets talk about treatment. Even today, when women have apparently out done, or at least paralleled, men in every field, are they really treated equally? Chivalry might, for the most part, be dead, but from what I see in the world around me, women are always treated either slightly better, or slightly worse, than men, depending on who they are dealing with. A bus driver will stop for a woman until she has settled down. A man will give her a seat. People in general will be politer to her than they would to a man. Every Mills and Boon novel will have a man's protective instincts roused by a vulnerable woman. On the other hand, there are innumerable more rapes and atrocities against women than men. Men who were once, a long, long time ago, the protectors of women, now take advantage of their 'weakness'.

What I'm saying is-men and women are created differently. A horse doesn't do a dog's work, nor a dog a horse's. A horse might be bigger and stronger, but the dog has its own value. Trying to ride on a dog will just make both of us fall over, while no sane person would use a horse to guard their house at night. There are millions of things men can do which women can't-open a jar, for one, and millions more that women can do that men can't-like deal with people effectively and compassionately. Each of them has their own place in society, their own function which they are meant to fulfill to maintain the balance in nature. Each individual is created differently, so there are obviously feminine men and masculine women who might tilt the balance and trespass successfully on the other gender's territory, and obviously there are some areas where their territories overlap and they are equal, but for the most part...for the most part, a woman will look to a man to open a jar, and a man to a woman to calm a crying baby. And that's the way God made it.

Note: In case it isn't clear, I by no means advocate that women are less than men, just that they are strong in different areas than men are. Nor do I advocate that women should stay at home and make babies-on the contrary, I think financial independence is imperative for women, especially in today's man-eat-man world where the men seem to be forgetting that they were made to protect, not harm women. A woman should be able to survive on her own, and be self sufficient, and she is capable of doing that-but in an ideal situation she shouldn't have to, when a man and woman work together, in a symbiotic relationship both supporting and being supported by, the other. Since this isn't an ideal world, however, women should have the opportunity to fend for themselves since their defenders don't seem to inclined to do that job, and hence I think gender equality in the workplace is an essential and wonderful thing. Don't get me wrong-I'm not trying to say that a woman can't open a jar, just that she wouldn't have to, and that if she does, she'd probably have to put in a little more effort than a man would. Men and women can be the same, but they shouldn't have to be.

~Sam


Also. WATCH THIS. 

an Ode to Mac n cheese

Hellooo awesome viewers! I would like to share this wonderful moment with you before I dig in....mac n cheese is awesome.

Sorry the picture isn't clear...didn't have time to get out my awesome camera...im STARVING.
this is malko saying maytheCHEESYforcebewithyou.

Perspective

While all you whiners-probably including me- exaggerate how much your life sucks, should really take a look at this. He has this disease called spinal muscular atrophy and he would probably die by the time he hit 30.His positiveness towards life makes me smile and melts my heart(yeah I probably sound really cheesy right now but I don't care). Check it out. Please. This is malko saying maytheforcebewithyou. http://laughingatmynightmare.tumblr.com/post/6088204912/this-is-probably-a-terrible-idea

Note to Self: Blog This

UPDATE: I actually did some of them! The links will take you there. They're a bit different from what they were originally planned as, and Malko actually did the obsession one, but whatever. I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING I PLANNED TO DO! People who know me will know the importance of that achievement.

In case I get writer's block in future and can't think of anything to write about, I'm making myself a list of possible blog-posts. If there's anything in particular that you want me to blog about, feel free to comment :)

Anyways. Here goes nothing:

• An Ode to Boredom
• An Ode to Sleep: O, Sweet Slumber! (with allusions to Macbeth) 
• Men. *rolls eyes* (with more allusions to Macbeth) 
• The Unknown Macbeth: The Meaning of Macbeth You Never Knew (if you haven't guessed, I've been reading Macbeth a lot recently). 
• #Winning
• How To Be: An Obsessed Fan
• Why I Don't Want To Be King Of The World
• Female Foeticide (caught you by surprise there, didn't I) and How People Who Kill People Are Dumb
• Abortion, in general. 
• Something about how countries don't make agreements, politicians do, and how the world is the dominant powers' chess board (I have no idea where this is coming from. I think I was reading about the World Wars when I thought this, though.)
• The Stages of Delirium
• Inspiration-Like lightning, it never strikes you when you want it to.
• The Hotness Paradox (this struck me last night, but by this morning all I remembered was the title. Oh well.)
• Politics and All That Jazz
• How To Be: A Mushy Romantic
• How To Be: A Worrywart
• Why I Want A Hot Boyfriend (Honestly, I don't think I should have to explain that one). 
• "Please get off the flight, Mr Armstrong. Your pants are too low". 
• Reasons To Be Happy
• My Perfect Guy: He Does Not Exist

That's 'bout it for now, peoples. Until later. 

~Sam.

So Yeah.

So I never realised how random our conversation was until Malko suggested we put this up. And then I discovered it was pretty random, and we have nothing else to post, thanks to our oh-so-hectic (for all the wrong reasons, sadly.) lives, so till the next time Inspiration strikes us, here you go:
Malko: my love!

Me: my client!

Malko: client?

Me: what does a shrink have?

patients?

Malko: oh oh.

i forgot i had mental illnesses.

Me: yes. that is often seen in patients with your condition. 

denial .

Malko: btw..did you know that suicidal feelings happen when there arer chemical imbalances in the brain?

Me: did you know 99% of people regret committing suicide as soon as they do it?

they conducted a survey of the survivors apparently.

Malko: if the commit suicide, they dont live to tell the tale honey.

or is it tail?

Me: tale. SURVIVORS.

Malko: then it wouldnt be "committed"

it would be 'attempted'

*a little while later*

Malko: Sorry bout that.had to switch devices.

Me: Yes, well, that.

Malko: What did you say about the attempted suicide thing?

Me: "Yes, well, that"

Malko: Haha.okay.

Miss english made a booboo.

Me: Miss English? Better than Grammar Nazi I s'pose

Malko: No you're right.grammar nazi IS better.

Me: You know, I agree with you. You're evil

Malko: Yes.yes I am. *does the evil laugh*

This chat should go on our blog.

*a little while later* 

Me: Huh. I like your latest post. HOW DO YOU GET SUCH PERFECT PICTURES?!

It should?

It should.

Sorry for the grammar and lack of punctuation and shizz(yes, I used the word "shizz"~), but I was too lazy to fix it all. Till next time!

~Sam (& Malko, I s'pose). 

im a dreamer

i dream. maybe a little too much. is that bad?  dont think i really care right right now. whats so bad about dreaming when reality's a total buzz kill. the dream me, when seeing the reality me feels pity. wow i sound deranged right now, then again, do you blame me? i get up, go to school, study useless shit(which by the way wont be worth jack SQUAT when you're fighting for survival at the end of 2012, if the world ends), and go to sleep. how pathetic is that? there are 7 continents, approximately 196 countries. and then i think, "what the hell am i doing?" i should be out THERE. do you guys realize how small our lives seem now? and for all the viewers who have had the opportunity to actually live life, well, lucky you. we would love to hear stories. a personal advice for the people who are like me, confined, you aint going anywhere if you still live with your parents. i suppose i dont have another choice right now, though.

 i mean imagine being there RIGHT NOW.  do it. close your eyes.

I take no responsibility for this. Now with answers!

I definitely did not have full grasp of my mental abilities when I wrote this, but I really don't want to go offline, so I'm going to post it here anyway. These are 25 things I (once) would (have) like(d) to ask Dan Bergstein:

1. Will you marry me?
2. What if I gave you a jet pack?
3. Many jetpacks?
4. Why not?
5. It's because I'm a girl, isn't it? I knew it! You sexist pig! You disappoint me Dan.
6. How are you so funny?
7. Is it genetic?
8. Can I be that funny?
9. Why not?
10. Are you human?
11. Prove it.
12. Can you dance?
13. Are you any good at it?
14. Prove it.
15. You know I was only kidding about the marrying thing right? I mean, unless you want to. In which case I was totally serious. But you probably don't. So yeah. Just kidding. Haha. *shifty eyes*
16. Have you ever visited Smeyer's (Stephenie Meyer, to the uninitiated) website?
17. What did you think of it?
18. What did you think of her?
19. Are you superstitious?
20. Do you use Chrome, Explorer, Firefox, Safari, or some other random thing no one's ever heard of?
25. Can I have a hundred Dan Points please? People say if you aim for a hundred, you'll get 90, so I'll be expecting 90 Dan Points by tomorrow. Thanks and toodles!


I repeat once again, I take no accountability for this. And yes, I know I don't know how to count, but I ran out of questions, and "25 Things I'd Like to Ask Dan Bergstein" just has a better ring to it than "20 and 1 questions I'd Like to Ask to Dan Bergstein".

~ The Invisible Blog Ghost

UPDATE: Answers!!!

‎1. Will you marry me? Nope. I went into the future and saw that you married a very nice, very Dan-like person who wears wonderful clothes, so you have much to look forward to.

2. What if I gave you a jet pack? You don't have a jet pack. ...Stop telling lies.

3. Many jetpacks? Now you're just being mean!

4. Why not? Because.

5. It's because I'm a girl, isn't it? I knew it! You sexist pig! You disappoint me Dan.
No. It's not that. Girls are great and are significantly better then guys.

6. How are you so funny?
I won a radio contest.

7. Is it genetic? No. Radio contest. (Do try to keep up.)

8. Can I be that funny? Only if you're the ninth caller.

9. Why not? Do you think elephants think we look strange, just as we think elephants look strange?

10. Are you human? According to my Blimp License.

11. Prove it. I'm sending you a picture of my Blimp License.

12. Can you dance? Sorta.

13. Are you any good at it? Nope.

14. Prove it. Nope.

15. You know I was only kidding about the marrying thing right? I mean, unless you want to. In which case I was totally serious. But you probably don't. So yeah. Just kidding. Haha. *shifty eyes* I ate pretzels for dinner last night.

16. Have you ever visited Smeyer's (Stephenie Meyer, to the uninitiated) website? Once. It was bad.

17. What did you think of it? It was great.

18. What did you think of her? She is a lazy dumb fart.

19. Are you superstitious? I'm average-stitious.

20. Do you use Chrome, Explorer, Firefox, Safari, or some other random thing no one's ever heard of? I use Firefox and Chrome.

25. Can I have a hundred Dan Points please? People say if you aim for a hundred, you'll get 90, so I'll be expecting 90 Dan Points by tomorrow. Thanks and toodles! You can have 102 Dan Points.

I hate it when people turn English into Math.

I had the privilege to be in an English class the other day, and boy oh boy, was it enlightening. I learnt so much! Predicates! Modifiers! Subjects! Objects! Nouns! Verbs! Things I'd never even heard of! How interesting! Not.

English is not a science.. And it's that way for a reason. It's a language, and above all, a means of communication. It is NOT a subject like Physics where you have laws which must be followed and mugged up. Sure, you have a few rules in English, but the operating word there is "few". People who have "learned" English would probably have noticed that almost every single rule in the English language has about a bazillion exceptions. You know why that is? Because the rules aren't meant to be there!

I'm a grammar Nazi, and I think being grammatically correct is extremely important, but for heaven's sake, not at the cost of the language! Tying down English to rules, binding it and making it into a science is NOT the way to teach it. OR learn it. Pretty much the best way to pick up any language is to speak it. If you're 5 years old, you obviously need to learn the basics, but I still don't know the different between past continuous and past perfect, I can hardly name more than a few 'parts of speech', and guess what? I still know English! Because I read it. Because I speak it. Because I hear it. And that is the way to learn a language. No language can be perfectly broken down into rules, they all have their little nuances and eccentricities that cannot be defined or understood, just accepted. Languages aren't maps, that can be broken down into grids and navigated, they're the actual land- free flowing and unrestricted. They're to be appreciated, not dissected. Understood, not learnt.

~Sam

Ten Things I'm Addicted To (in no particular order).

1. Facebook (surprise, surprise)
2. My phone.
3. Brickbreaker.
4. Texting.
5. Texting while studying.
6. Fidgeting.
7. Making Lists.
8. Thinking about OCD.
9. TV.
10. Whining.

~Sam

Writer's block sucks.

Yes it does. And it always strikes at the worst possible moment, when you are desperate to write (and, conveniently, avoid having to do other, less fun, things). You do everything, open up your blog, and boom, you're blank. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not a single idea. Even Google wasn't helpful! All it gave me was this-http://www.chrisbrogan.com/100-blog-topics-i-hope-you-write/, and the first topic ("How I Use Facebook"), just got me depressed again. Thanks Google. Thanks a lot. Its not enough that I can't turn my head without seeing something that reminds me of facebook, now you have to shove it in my face. I never realized the genius of Zuckerberg, until I tried to get away from it, to break free of his honey trap, and realized just how badly I was caught. 'Share', 'like', even 'tag'-words you hear every day, common words, but now, they all point to just one thing. *sigh* Two more days, and I'll be cured of my longing, and all my posts hopefully won't end up being about my yearning for FB.

~Sam

I like Friday. The *wince* song.

Which, in this world, is just another way of saying that I've gone over the bend (I wonder why they call it that. Crazy people take bends, and normal people do what? Keep driving straight, right off the road? Seems a bit odd to me. Then again, I'm the crazy one in this situation, so I suppose it doesn't really matter what I feel).

So yeah. I like Friday. The song, if you can call it that, not the day (because no sane person will say they 'like' Fridays. Love, maybe, absolutely adore to the point of obsession and yearn for all week long, possibly, but not like. No one likes Fridays.)

Not the Rebecca Black version though, obviously, I'm not that mad (yet). The Glee (gleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) version. You know, the one with the human voice? The male version. The nice version. The one where that guy sings it without electronic help, and with proper expressions and stuff. The one that actually captures, to whatever extent it can be captured, the actual essence of Fridays. The good one.

~Sam.