So I've decided to just pretend that all my work doesn't exist and waste hours online being an "internet troll", as a friend would put it. This post has been in my draft box for EVER, and tonight I decided to just get rid of it. As always, I hope you like it!
What's Hot and What's Snot About Various Superpowers:
All the tele's:
Telekinesis: You don't have to move! Ever! What can be better than that?!
Telepathy: You can transmit secret messages without the hassles of coding, decoding, and counter-coding, and the possibility of code-breaking. And you don't have to waste energy in talking, or worry about people overhearing you, or of being in hearing distance of each other. No phone bills or internet problems, just voices in your head.
Technopathy: It's defined as the ability to manipulate technology. Which, unless you're like Stephen Hawking or something, is something we all need help with. Ergo, it's an awesome superpower, one which I desperately wish I had. Imagine going, "Laptop! Unfreeze. NOW!" and actually having it respond instead of just sassing you with that annoying implacable face.
What's Snot: We'd all get really, really fat and then die.
Mind Reading: Do I even need to tell you how awesome this would be, especially for someone like me who can't read people very well?
What's Snot: Ignorance is bliss. I'd get to know a lot of things which I think I'd rather not know. Also, if people knew you were reading their mind while you were reading it, it probably wouldn't be too useful because they'd eventually learn to control their thoughts; if they didn't know, it'd be plain creepy because people might be reading my mind right now and I wouldn't even know it. But if I was the only one in the world with the power, then it would be perfect. (Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. Sue me.)
Super Strength: Meh. Don't really care about this one, though it would help me win a lot of fights, and get away with whatever I want, because most people don't really wanna mess with someone who looks like the Hulk.
What's Snot: I'd look like the Hulk. Even if I wasn't green, it's not the look a girl usually aspires for. If I could have it without the protruding muscles, it'd be acceptable I guess, though it's still not high on my list of awesome superpowers that I really, really want.
Predicting The Future: This would be both useful and annoying. Do I want to know I'm going to get an iPad for my birthday? Well, yes. But do I want to know that I'm going to get fired? Wait. Yes, I do. Never mind, forget specific examples. The general point is...
What's Snot: ...it would ruin the spontaneity of life, the surprises, the shocks, the twists and turns. Life would be one big anti-climax. Imagine if you knew that the movie would end happily ever after. Anticlimactic, right?
Though we know that anyway. And we watch it anyway. So..never mind, I don't know why this would be bad. Except I s'pose you'd forget to live in the present, and just count on the future.
Super Beauty: Do I need to say anything?
What's Snot:
Super Speed: Honestly, I don't think there's a point in explaining the awesomeness of these; they're pretty obvious. Maybe I'll just stick with the what's snot bit. But..NEVER BEING LATE TO WORK! How awesome would that be?
What's Snot: Practical problems. Would your metabolism burn extra-fast too? Would you have to eat all the time? Would you be winded all the time? Would you feel like a snail and hate it if you had to walk at a normal pace, say, taking a long romantic walk with your boyfriend? Would everyone else also have super speed? In that case, wouldn't it just get negated? Important questions, those be.
Flying: Come on, everyone has dreamed of this one. Being able to just zoom over that traffic jam. Being able to see the bird's view without burning a hole in your pocket for a flight ticket and then being air-sick to top it all off. Being able to lift off whenever you want; having the peace of the sky's mausoleum all to yourself.
What's Snot: Superman, birds, planes, pollution, clouds, thunder, lightning and so on ruining your peace or banging into you. That weird dropping-feeling in your stomach. The possibility of air-sickness in mid-air and puking onto some poor girl below. Having to carry your significant other along for flights, which would be a problem if you didn't have Superman's super strength.
Invisibility: I'm sure this is what spies, detectives, sneaky teenagers and suspicious girls with cheating boyfriends dream of at night.
What's Snot: You're just invisible. You can still make noise. Also, being permanently invisible would suck; being temporarily invisible would confront you with the teeny problem of what to do with your clothes. And you'd have to pay attention to your surroundings all time, else someone might just accidentally stab you with a knife. Also, you couldn't carry anything with you, ever.
Immortality: You have all the time in the world, you don't have to rush anywhere, ever again! And..I honestly don't know what. This one doesn't really appeal to me; a slightly elongated life would be fine because you'd have more time, which equals more fun, but living forever? Meh.
What's Snot: Boredom. Eventually not caring about anything, because its all transient and you'll outlive it all anyway. Also age=experience=cynicism, so you'd be an immortal who hates life, which doesn't really appeal to me.
Super Senses: Another one which doesn't appeal to me much (for the record, the ones I want most are the tele's, invisibility, mind reading and flying, not necessarily in that order). This might be useful to..hear the thief sneak in?
What's Snot: Are you kidding me? What's not snot? You'd go crazy with all the noise and sights and smells and..touches? TMI taken to a whole new level. Do you really want to be able to hear the bodily functions of your neighbor?
Also, cracked.com has a similar-but-different list, which I found while 'researching' for this post and which you can find here.
~Sam
