Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fiction. Show all posts

Monday, June 1, 2015

Cuts

You know what I'm terrified of?
Cockroaches, lizards and sundry insects aside,
Love aside, loneliness and loss and death aside,
Failure aside,
You know what I'm truly afraid of?
Those sharp cuts, that slice straight through,
Deep and true,
So swift and sharp and sure,
You don't even know they're there.
Not until years later,
When you're bloodless and lifeless and dried out-
When you've slowly lost every bit of your essence,
Leaking through cuts you don't know you have.
Because you can't see them, feel them,
Because you can't see or feel emptiness.
Not until you're empty,
Not until it's too late.
I guess what I'm truly terrified of,
Is finding my cuts too late.

~Sam

Thursday, May 21, 2015

For You

"Dear You,

Today my pen stopped working, and I finally got the courage to write how I feel about you. I checked three times to make sure it really had stopped working, scribbling inklessly across pages and pages, ensuring it wouldn't betray me with ink at the last moment. It didn't work, and the haunting (evocative? beautiful?) music played on, and it really was too dramatic a moment to pass by, and so I wrote. I wrote that I loved you, and that I was a fool, and I wondered to the still-blank sheet why I must be like this. I wrote that you were beautiful, and I was not, but it would be the same even if it was any other way, if I was beautiful and you were not, or we both were, or we both were not- because I would still be in love, and you would not. The sheet listened, oh it listened like you never could, absorbing every word, and leaving just enough of an impression to show it was listening, and I wrote everything, I said it all. And then I rubbed the sheet out gently, rubbed out every indention of my emotions, rubbed till my hand was warm and the paper was smooth and every slightest trace of my love gone. 

And now I've confessed all I felt, and all I'm left with is a blank sheet and a pen which does not work.

Love,
Me." 

What Am I Doing?

What am I doing?
I open up your chat window
And stare at it quietly
Praying, craving, wishing, hoping
You'll say something
(SAY SOMETHING)
I scream at you internally
Not a flicker of emotion crossing my face.

What am I doing?
I eat a slice of pizza
I really don't need
While I flick through your pictures
Again- nothing new, but old is still gold
There's the funny one, the cute one, the hot one
Same things, same place, same order
Nothing has changed.

What am I doing?
I chat with your friend,
Your mom, your dad, your girlfriend
All the while glowering at your picture
Waiting for you to say something
A link, a rant, a picture, a hi
I'll take anything
Just say something.


~Emo Sam Part III

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Culvert

I spanned across a little stream, carrying people from one place in life to another, from joy to sorrow, or sorrow to ecstasy, births to funerals to airports and planes, or simply from home to work and work to home again. Footsteps stumbled by all day, never stopping, never seeing--but sometimes the crowds thinned, the walking slowed and the eyes met. That was when the stories were made.

There was the brown-haired man who walked with a Lily in the mornings and a Rose in the evenings, who kissed both and loved neither, but who stood in the afternoons with his mother, feeding pigeons and sharing smiles. There was the mother, who looked back every time they parted, who knew exactly what her son was - and who he was capable of being.

There was the man with the stained shirt and the happy heart, whose wife ran after him daily, infallibly, for she had forgotten to give him his lunch, and he had forgotten to take it. He turned around, remembering, just as she came panting behind him- both pairs of eyes rolling in exasperation, both pairs of lips upturned in secret delight. A more synchronized dance I had never seen.

There was the white-toothed woman who was more capricious than a diamond in the sparkling sunlight. Never was there a more vivacious imp than her in company, but she seemed dulled to coal whenever she came to me alone. Her clothes fully covered her body, but they hid more than just her modesty. Behind closed doors, behind closed doors.

There was the young butcher's apprentice, who, it seemed, had his existential crisis scheduled for the Thursday evenings he visited me. Head down, frown up, he'd amble over, staring at his feet and his bloodstained nails, throwing pebbles in the water and glaring at the sky as though it had caused him personal affront. It was the bloody sunset he had special attention for, though, and he devoured it hungrily, all the ugly shades of red he was so familiar with, made so beautiful. It was when he came to me on a Wednesday, or a Monday, though, that I worried, and then I made sure to push my finest pebbles up for him to flick to the water; to push my railings a little higher, so he wouldn't fall over- accidentally, of course.

There were the workmen who came by once in a while to give me a touch-up, the ones who called out to women and the ones who didn't; the ones who meant harm and the ones who just didn't know any better. Some of them, I made sure, left with pebbles in their shoes that would stick in the tiniest corner, and bother them for days to come; some I made sure even the mud didn't touch.

And then, once in a blessed blue moon, was the gentle old lady in white, my love if only she'd been a bridge and not a widow bride, who came by for no other reason, it seemed, than to sit with me, and watch with me. She'd sit there the whole day, one of my pebbles in her hands, rubbing its smooth edge, smiling at the happy forgetful couple as I smiled, glancing with gentle concern at the apprentice as I did, exchanging nods with the cheat and his mother as I never could. Once, I thought, as she put back the pebble in its place and gathered herself to leave, she even whispered a goodbye to me.



~Sam