I have a dream.

I have a dream of a world where men and women walk free without the threat of mosquitoes.

I have a dream of a world where dates and romantic walks are not ruined by pesky parasites.

I have a dream of a world where my children may sleep fearlessly and where their blood will not be drunk mercilessly each night.

I have a dream of a mosquito extermination army gone defunct for lack of mosquitoes.

I have a dream of a world where no blood is shed.

~Sam and the Christmas Cookie

If only I were capable of managing time.

A poem written out of a conversation between the Christmas Cookie and I.

"Why must sleep and work be so mutually exclusive,
For me?"
"Well, if only you could manage time,
They wouldn't be!"
"If I were to manage time, ha!
I could rid the world of cancer.
Then I would be rich and famous,
Live a life fulfilled and joyous.
Know all the right men and women,
Even my beloved, Hugh Jackman!
And with Hiddelston, the Tom,
Get the Cookie on!
Oh what a life would be mine,
If only I were able to manage time!"

~Sam

The Necessities of Life As We Know It

• Food/water/meat/coke: For subsistence, and existence.
• Sleep: To make you want to wake up.
• firstname.lastname@gmail.com email id: Because everyone needs one.
• Facebook: To pass that extra time that you inevitably find, no matter how busy you are.
• A celebrity love: To obsess over when all seems lost.
• Chocolate: To make it worthwhile.
• Trees: Because there's no poem as pretty as a tree.
• Air: Because our cells like it.
• A friend to bitch/rant with/at: Because bottling in is Bad.
• Love: For life.
• Music: To erase the noise.
• Books: To cleanse your mind, eyes and heart.
• Drama: To liven things up.
• A soft bed: To languish in.
• Sales: To make you happy without making you broke.
• Hugs: Because we all need someone to hold on to.

~Sam 

Random world, random rules, random ramblings.

Don't take candy from strangers, they say, strangers who might just be innocent, kind-hearted, idiotic people who find you cute and want to share their extra chocolate with you.

Be serious, they say. Be mature. Act your age. Why? Maturity is so overrated. The more mature you are, the sadder. And boring-er. So stay immature, stay awesome. Look at the fun side, and enjoy life.


In other news.

Why does water make everything so much more awesome? Mere glasses become time-traveller-looking swimming goggles. Slides become water slides. Holes in the ground become those amazing, extraordinary things that only a person completely deprived of creativity would have named a swimming pool. Air filled pieces of rubber become water balloons (so much awesomer than normal balloons). Air becomes rain.

I love H20.





~Sam

And we're back to talking about guys.

UPDATE: This post requires way, way, way more context. Suffice to say that neither of us are giggle twelve year old One Direction fans, and that I do not spend all my free time telling Marsh that I love her. The only reason this is still on here is for posterity, and it might be better if you just skipped it.


Fortunately, this time I'm not the one doing the (c)raving.

Remember my friend the Marshmallow? She's back! And she can read Arabic and has an insanely inappropriate crush on Zayn Malik. The rest, I'll leave you to figure out for yourself.




Marsh: So I'm following this blog which states random "amazing" facts about One Direction. Today's fact was "Zayn can read in Arabic" and I was like, "YOU DON'T SAY!" -_-

Me: Ahahahaha! God I love you Marshy! Enough to spend actual balance to tell you that. You just made me literally laugh out loud when I was all depressed about how every other guy out here is hot. [I'm travelling.] I finally got what you mean about hotness being painful.

Marsh: See? You should listen to me more. Hotness was created as a tool for sadism.
Seriously! When I read that fact I was like "OF COURSE he knows how to read Arabic! Half the people in the world know how to read Arabic! His freaking NAME should've been an indiciation to the fact that he knows how to read Arabic! Even I know how to read Arabic! Gah!

Me: Seriously. Annoying. And now I can't even take comfort in the fact that I'm a nice, non-sadistic person anymore.
I LOVE YOU! That message is going in my "epic" folder. And. Being able to read Arabic IS amazing to most people you know. Including me. Like being able to read Chinese or something.

Marsh: Dude, there are more people in the world who can read Arabic than who can read Chinese. But yeah.
I saw this interview in which they asked him that if he was a girl, which guy would he date? And he instantly replied "Channing Tatum". And I was like, "Thats it. This guy is my soulmate."

Me: STOP MAKING ME LAUGH OUT LOUD IN PUBLIC! AND SPEND PRECIOUS BALANCE! DO NOT reply after this. And yes. He's your 17-year old, minor, illegal-to-date soulmate :D

The End.

UPDATE: Sorry, apparently I was wrong about that last bit. Here's Marsh's correction: "HE IS NOT MY 17 YEAR OD MINOR,ILLEGAL TO DATE SOULMATE! HE'S MY 19 YEAR OLD,TOTALLY APPROPRIATE,LEGAL-TO-DATE CRUSH!"

~Sam

Brains are so annoying sometimes.

Well, most of the times.
I mean, really! You think it could, for once, like what its currently doing right? But no. Always, always it makes me want to do things I can't at a particular time, and then when I can, IT WON'T FEEL.
Ugh.
When you want to work, they wander away to fantasize about Hugh Jackman's mouth, and when you're merrily stalking they sneak up behind you and nag you about how much work you need to do. Make up your mind, stupid brain! Why can't you just focus on one thing?! And your ideas have inordinately bad timing. Every single time. The wonderful blog post comes in the shower. The thing you needed to Google you remember when you switch off the laptop. The soap you needed to buy you remember when you're on your way home. Always. Why?


Equally annoying as brains are brothers. I mean, for 364 days of the year they'll act like total jerks and probably ignore your very existence (exaggerating here, but whatever, exaggerating is fun). And then one fine day they'll go out and do something so absolutely brilliant, sweet, beautiful and unexpected that you forgive them completely for the next 364 days of jerk-i-ness. And no, it wasn't my birthday. Which made it even sweeter. They have the right idea. Get your expectations of them so low that you're thankful when they remember to call you once in a while, and then boom, blow them away with a kind act out of nowhere so that you're walking on air. Stupid, useless, smart, caring, lovable idiots. Hunh.


~Sam

More ramblings. (This is what I do when I have things to say but not enough to make an entire post.)

Hi.
If you're a hyper-sensitive guy well aware of his manliness who refuses to carry his girlfriend/mom's handbag, you should probably leave right now.
As should sane persons and other people who like coherence in their blog posts.

----------

So first up, if having a baby is anywhere near as uncomfortable as the processes that make childbirth possible, I'm never doing it. Screw experience, one magical moment is not going to make up for nine months of torture. I'll just adopt and pledge my soul to Greenpeace instead.

(Greenpeace because I'm being all eco-friendly by not adding to the population, and because everything-literally everything, from sushi to sanitation- can be linked to the environment. And therefore by extension to Greenpeace.)
(Also, congratulations. You now know that I've never experienced the joys of childbirth.
 (or have I?)
 Bravo.)

----------

God.
Why, God, why? Why do you hate me? And if you don't, why do you act like you do? Why do you ignore all my sorry's and pleas and thank you's? Do you not care about me? Why did you make me, then, if your plan all along was to leave me?
Why do you not listen to me? Why do you not acknowledge my existence? Why do you ignore all my thousands of thought-messages? Are you not telepathic? But you're God. If you're not telepathic, what hope do the rest of us have?

----------

Google.

If Google was a person (a guy person) I would marry it. It has everything I want. It's amazing and it's popular, it's successful and it knows everything without being an idiot about it, it looks good and it plays pranks on people, it's unique and it's accessible, it's multifaceted and it has a sense of humor, it's ultra-cute and I bet if it had a smile, it would have dimples.
So there you go. My perfect man is a search engine. 

Though I totally love Sergey Brin, too. Marry me?

----------

And that is what PMS and a soppy Valentine video from Google does to me.

This post is probably going to come back to haunt and embarrass the life out of me later.

Meh. I'll go eat my Subway now. (Subway <3)

~Sam

Winter -Updated

Okay, this blog is getting wayy too depressing/serious/unawesome. Jeez, I never knew I was such a drama queen! Anyway, we'll do something about that soon, promise, but for now hopefully this will revive your spirits a little bit, though this is another one of those posts that I'm posting just because its in my head and I'm desperate to write something. So sorry and all, we'll try becoming awesome again as soon as inspiration strikes!

In other news, we're 99! :D

Anyway, moving on..

"Wintry" is pretty much one of my favorite adjectives of all time. I love the way it sounds, the way it falls off your tongue, the image it creates in your mind, the harsh beauty it has. For similar reasons, I love 'winter', too.

But I hate winter. The freezing, the laziness it induces, the having to get out of my warm blankets in favor of a cold bathroom, the numbness, the perpetually cold fingers and feet. I hate it, I detest it, I wish it never happened. The worst thing is winter sounds so good-the warm evenings by a fire, the snowfall, the hot chocolate and good books/movies. The love, the cuddling together, the Christmas cheer. Unfortunately, things are rarely as pleasant as they seem in books. My winters are usually something like this:

*alarm rings*
*snooze*
*do that for about half an hour*
*finally wake up, and lay fantasizing under the warm blankets*
*eventually decide to get out of bed and face the big bad world*
*get out of bed*
*immediately regret the decision*
*consider getting back in*
*decide to brave it out (or, alternatively, to get back in, in which case I'm usually late and have a horrible morning)*
*shuffle slowly towards bathroom, which is currently as appealing as a dirty dank dungeon*
*try to prolong the journey for as long as possible*
*grab the brush on the way--no, I don't keep my brush in the bathroom, ever since that whole thing. I don't care if its not confirmed, this is one place where I don't mind being extra-careful*
*stare hatefully at the tap*
*gather up my courage and rinse my toothbrush, doing my best to keep my fingers as far away from the water as possible*
*finish brushing, etc, cursing the world the whole time (or composing in my head blog posts which will never see the light of day, or singing "We Shall Overcome" to myself and trying to pep myself into a shower)*

And the rest of the day is pretty much the same.

So you see why I have a problem.



I'm out of words now, so I'll go away. Again, we're hoping to get interesting again soon, and feel free to comment!


Love and all.
~Sam





Hi! Malko here! If you're wondering why I'm sharing the post with Sam, it's because I wanted to save the 100th post for something awesome. Well, awesomer than our regular posts.
So Sam here just described how her mornings go. If you found that amusing, i'm sure you'll enjoy reading my daily agenda.

*alarm rings at 6 AM*
*hit snooze and happily go back to sleep knowing that I have more time to sleep*
*what seems to be a moment later..*
Mom: "Get up! Don't you have work to do?" *death glare*
*get off the bed*
*die inside like I lost the love of my life (the love being my blanket and wondrous comfy  bed)*
*sleepily brush teeth*
*check phone and reply to texts and facebooks*
*procrastinate*
*procrastinate with book in front of my face*
*procrastinate by staring a spot on a page and then turning it to stare at another spot*
*breakfast*
*procrastinate*
*shower*
*lunch and GLEE(spoiler: FINN PROPOSES TO RACHEL!)/ ONE TREE HILL/SUPERNATURAL/HIMYM*
*try to work. fail*
*wait for mom to leave the house and then go back to watching t.v shows*
*determinedly try to work, but get distracted on sparknotes (obviously)*
*dinner*
*procrastinate*
*succumb to blissful slumber*

Oh and in case you're wondering what distracted me on sparknotes, its THIS.

Sam's List of What's Hot and What's Snot About Superpowers

So I've decided to just pretend that all my work doesn't exist and waste hours online being an "internet troll", as a friend would put it. This post has been in my draft box for EVER, and tonight I decided to just get rid of it. As always, I hope you like it!


What's Hot and What's Snot About Various Superpowers: 

All the tele's:
Telekinesis: You don't have to move! Ever! What can be better than that?!
 Telepathy: You can transmit secret messages without the hassles of coding, decoding, and counter-coding, and the possibility of code-breaking. And you don't have to waste energy in talking, or worry about people overhearing you, or of being in hearing distance of each other. No phone bills or internet problems, just voices in your head.
Technopathy: It's defined as the ability to manipulate technology. Which, unless you're like Stephen Hawking or something, is something we all need help with. Ergo, it's an awesome superpower, one which I desperately wish I had. Imagine going, "Laptop! Unfreeze. NOW!" and actually having it respond instead of just sassing you with that annoying implacable face.

What's Snot: We'd all get really, really fat and then die.

Mind Reading: Do I even need to tell you how awesome this would be, especially for someone like me who can't read people very well?

What's Snot: Ignorance is bliss. I'd get to know a lot of things which I think I'd rather not know. Also, if people knew you were reading their mind while you were reading it, it probably wouldn't be too useful because they'd eventually learn to control their thoughts; if they didn't know, it'd be plain creepy because people might be reading my mind right now and I wouldn't even know it. But if I was the only one in the world with the power, then it would be perfect. (Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. Sue me.)

Super Strength: Meh. Don't really care about this one, though it would help me win a lot of fights, and get away with whatever I want, because most people don't really wanna mess with someone who looks like the Hulk.

What's Snot: I'd look like the Hulk. Even if I wasn't green, it's not the look a girl usually aspires for. If I could have it without the protruding muscles, it'd be acceptable I guess, though it's still not high on my list of awesome superpowers that I really, really want.

Predicting The Future: This would be both useful and annoying. Do I want to know I'm going to get an iPad for my birthday? Well, yes. But do I want to know that I'm going to get fired? Wait. Yes, I do. Never mind, forget specific examples. The general point is...

What's Snot: ...it would ruin the spontaneity of life, the surprises, the shocks, the twists and turns. Life would be one big anti-climax. Imagine if you knew that the movie would end happily ever after. Anticlimactic, right?
Though we know that anyway. And we watch it anyway. So..never mind, I don't know why this would be bad. Except I s'pose you'd forget to live in the present, and just count on the future.

Super Beauty: Do I need to say anything?

What's Snot: Most straight girls would hate you. (2015 edit: What was 2011 me even on?)

Super Speed: Honestly, I don't think there's a point in explaining the awesomeness of these; they're pretty obvious. Maybe I'll just stick with the what's snot bit. But..NEVER BEING LATE TO WORK! How awesome would that be?

What's Snot: Practical problems. Would your metabolism burn extra-fast too? Would you have to eat all the time? Would you be winded all the time? Would you feel like a snail and hate it if you had to walk at a normal pace, say, taking a long romantic walk with your boyfriend? Would everyone else also have super speed? In that case, wouldn't it just get negated? Important questions, those be.

Flying: Come on, everyone has dreamed of this one. Being able to just zoom over that traffic jam. Being able to see the bird's view without burning a hole in your pocket for a flight ticket and then being air-sick to top it all off. Being able to lift off whenever you want; having the peace of the sky's mausoleum all to yourself.

What's Snot: Superman, birds, planes, pollution, clouds, thunder, lightning and so on ruining your peace or banging into you. That weird dropping-feeling in your stomach. The possibility of air-sickness in mid-air and puking onto some poor girl below. Having to carry your significant other along for flights, which would be a problem if you didn't have Superman's super strength.

Invisibility: I'm sure this is what spies, detectives, sneaky teenagers and suspicious girls with cheating boyfriends dream of at night.

What's Snot: You're just invisible. You can still make noise. Also, being permanently invisible would suck;  being temporarily invisible would confront you with the teeny problem of what to do with your clothes. And you'd have to pay attention to your surroundings all time, else someone might just accidentally stab you with a knife. Also, you couldn't carry anything with you, ever.

Immortality: You have all the time in the world, you don't have to rush anywhere, ever again! And..I honestly don't know what. This one doesn't really appeal to me; a slightly elongated life would be fine because you'd have more time, which equals more fun, but living forever? Meh.

What's Snot: Boredom. Eventually not caring about anything, because its all transient and you'll outlive it all anyway. Also age=experience=cynicism, so you'd be an immortal who hates life, which doesn't really appeal to me.

Super Senses: Another one which doesn't appeal to me much (for the record, the ones I want most are the tele's, invisibility, mind reading and flying, not necessarily in that order). This might be useful to..hear the thief sneak in?

What's Snot:  Are you kidding me? What's not snot? You'd go crazy with all the noise and sights and smells and..touches? TMI taken to a whole new level. Do you really want to be able to hear the bodily functions of your neighbor?

Also, cracked.com has a similar-but-different list, which I found while 'researching' for this post and which you can find here.





~Sam

Our Forefathers Were Wise

Finally some time to write! One of the few advantages of falling sick, I suppose.

Anyway. I was thinking the other day, the older I get, the more I realize that all those maxims we've been hearing since we were little children-knowledge is power, a bird in hand is better than two in the bush, etc, etc-they're all so true.

• Knowledge is power. The more dirt you have on someone, the easier it is to blackmail them into doing something for you, as my friends have demonstrated time and again. 
• Ignorance is bliss. You were perfectly content with your life until you saw that new Guess bag which just came out, and learned of its existence, and all of a sudden, the world became a darker place. Or until you found out about that surprise test or whatever. 
• A chain is only as strong as its weakest link, as Wormtail so wonderfully showed us. [If you don't get that reference, you don't deserve to be here. Or you could, you know, just comment and ask me to explain. Or just find yourself some time to read one of the greatest series ever written.]
• A penny saved is a penny earned. Which, in today's world, just translates to "A pound not gained is a pound lost", which everyone knows is the truth. 
• A golden key can open any door-is there anyone on this planet who can't be bribed somehow or the other into doing something? 
• A leopard cannot change its spots, and I'm yet to meet a reformed bitch (screw trying to be PG-13).
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as that mismatched couple living down any street can attest to. Also, why would he leave Jennifer to marry Angelina? Why, Brad, why?!  Ditto 'love is blind'. 
• You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can ground me, but you can't make me work. 
• When in Rome, do as Romans do. And don't wear miniskirts in the Middle East. (Again, no offence meant to anyone of any religion or faith. Just an example.)
• Two heads are better than one. Ever heard of the Hydra? Even today, the word is used for any un-resolvable problem. 
• Truth is stranger than fiction. THEY WERE MARRIED FOR 72 DAYS! SEVENTY. TWO. DAYS!
• There's an exception to every rule. Including sanity, apparently. 
• The female of the species is deadlier than the male. A line from a poem, and I have but one word to say to this-mosquitoes. 
• Make hay while the sun shines. And don't ask your mom for permission to go to that party when she's busy working, or is pissed at someone. 

I could go on like this forever, but I think I've made my point. Which is..sometimes, old people can be right. And lame-sounding stuff can be true. 

~Sam

And the thoughts go pop pop pop in my head...

..And the wheels go round round round on the bus...

Like so.

You'd think from the title that I was quoting some random famous song. You'd be wrong.

This post basically consists of random thoughts that popped into my head at various times (hence the title), so if the tit-bits seems disconnected and sense-less, that's because my thoughts aren't usually very coherent or linear.

Anyways. Here you go. A little peek into what I think about at night, when I can't go to sleep.

1. Gravity is going to have her revenge someday. For all the airplanes and the free fall rides and the roller coasters and the skyscrapers. She's just lulling us into a false sense of security right now, messing with us, making us complacent. And then, boom, its gone.

Unnatural, thats what it is.

2. Life is crazy. But then again, whose isn't? And if anyone does believe that their's isn't, they're crazy. And even when life is in control, its only for a short time, never for long enough to count. Very volatile thing, life is.

That is not even close to how complicated life is. Its still a pretty good representation though. Lots of shit on the inside, but a nice smiley front on the outside.

3. The best thing about the teenage years? Sarcasm comes so naturally to you.

Give me House and TasteofAwesome, and I will give you heaven. Oh no, wait. I'll give you a funeral. Cuz I'll be the one who'll be in heaven, you see.

4. "Work expands to fill the time available for its completion." Truest thing ever quoted.

This guy said that, would you believe it?
Looks. They can be deceving. Bet he had a teenaged kid, though.

5. Little things, and little people, are cute, whether they be human babies, tiger cubs, or baby sparrows.

Cute

Little things of usually big things are even cuter, viz. baby elephants and giraffes. If I knew what a baby blue whale looked like, I'd probably find it cute, too.

Cuter

Things smaller than a certain limit, however, are not cute-like baby cockroaches and microbes and other creepy-crawlies *shudders*.

I don't even know why Google has pictures of this. 

So the point of this is..of course size matters!

Anyways. Cockroaches are ew, so I'll just end this on a happy note with a picture of Jack:

There should be a captain in there somewhere.

~An Almost Crazy Sam

Remember that thing about me being a lot saner than I look..? Good. Keep remembering it.

So I got by a day without FB, though it did lead to me spamming Malko with THIS:
5:50- Emailing feels weird. I miss FB :(
5:51- Maybe I should make a new id. FBcraver@something.com. Gah. When will this week (of torture) end? And what will I do with two holidays and NO FACEBOOK? :O So much TIME!
still 5:51-Malkoooooooooooooooooooooo! What will I DO? How will I SURVIVE? *tragic-ness* 
5:52-Malko. I don't want to die, and your name reminds me of a mango smoothie. (I want a) Malko. 
5:52-I want chocolate chip cookies. Subway style. 
*period of relative-and deceptive-calmness*
6:09-WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME?!?!?! *bursts into tears*


*continued silence from Malko*


~Sam